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Wow- tonight I was reading an old scripty that my friend and I wrote, and it made me cry. It was such a sad thing, because the two characters used in it were our very first romantic couple, our very first lovers of all of our roleplays to come, and it was so natural for them, so...real. I don't know, but the male character, Shigure, was dying and was in the hospital, but his condition was only managing to get worse, so the female character, BlueIce, took him from the hospital to the very first set they had their first on set kiss at. ( When we talk about our characters, they scripty as though they're off set, or actors corresponding when not on stage)It was a field of lilacs that they first fell in love on set, as well as behind the scenes, and that is where Shigure died in BlueIce's arms. When we had first written it, it tore me apart, because my friend that I roleplay with viewed Shigure to be too perfect of a character, but the love between Shigure and BlueIce was so powerful, so ingraving to me, that reading it again tonight, and I'm sure any other time, brings me to tears. I've never been one to cry over books, or writing period, but I did, and my heart aches for them. The love between them was so instinctive, and now we don't just roleplay, we plan, and none of the love between our characters has any zest anymore. I miss that...perhaps it's time to suggest we go back to just enjoying being attached to our characters, instead of having so many with nothing to do with them. I mean, if you know me, you know I have TONS of characters. Xenoj, BlueIce, Contessa, Escuna, Kerokii, Nyria, Bella, Vexyre, Silver, Kyurin, Julius, I could go on forever, but all of these characters are part of me that can be explored by someone else, that can be loved and attached to by someone else. That can be concerned about, or infuriating to another person, and their characters work the same for me. I can feel angry, frustrated, happy, excited for, or even sad for someone else's characters. I'm creeped out by Secaotu, I like to pick on Roa, I like to point out Kieroja's flaws, but it's those things, those attachments, that make it so...special...And BlueIce and Shigure were not only our first, but our best. Their affection wasn't planned, at first, they were even mistaking one another for enemies. But then they were allies, and then they were friends, and then were close, and then they fell in love, and their love was so pure, so elegantly placed! They just came together so sponteniously, so free of any plan, that it made it so memorable for me. I hope, that sometime we can do that again, but we'll probably have to go back to the beginning, where we just said " What's the setting" Instead of " Who are we using? What's the theme? Where is it set? What kind of relationship is it?" and fill in our own blanks along the way. Go back to pming and getting excited about emails, to having one roleplay at a time so replying is something you're eager about, I don't know, she's the only one who makes me feel that way about a roleplay save Repressed_ Desire, and I'm tired of having countless roleplays that go out to nothing, ideas that go nowhere and plans that take to long to detail only to never be used.


-thisdarkness