Hmmm, what can I say about boys? They're stupid? Most certainly, They're insensitive, not all, but those in question, again, most certainly, in lack of emotions? We narrow that issue down to one. Why is it easy for some people simply not to care about others? It is harder to hate someone than it is to ignore them, yes, but when you hate them you give them worth, you give them meaning, and why should it ever be easy to demean someone to being nothing in your eyes? " It's easy to not care." Said he whom once I loved so deeply I can hardly put into words what it is I felt, and yet now I can say most surely with meaning and depth and feeling, that I hate and love him all at once. And he has proven to me the truths of his words through his actions towards me. I was told once, by another I once loved, and now do not, that to give another time is the best way to ease all wounds, and yet I find time has done nothing but given him reason to distance my beloved further from myself. I can hardly stand it to be ignored by those I do not love so deeply, but to be ignored by him? I can hardly explain my rage, my sadness. It's all very unusual, for me to feel this way, for normally it is difficult to ignore someone like me, normally it is hard to simply pretend that I never existed in a life that I actually once did, but he has seemed to have reached that feet and I must wonder why. Not only why is it easy, but why is it so at all?
When people love one another, is it something to be easily forgotten? Is it something to be left to rubble away, no, to be obliterated within a day and a night with nothing, not even ash left to remind one that it was there? It seemed so in his world, while my feelings were like an ever towering, endlessly building wall, blocking me from him and confusing me as to why it grew tall, and not long. the strange thing is though, as thing and tall as it is, I can find no way around it to him. Why? Because it would seem that even without a wall in his way he has a wall in his way, invisible, unfeelable, and undectable until close enough to prove your point. When you get close to saying words, or expressing feelings, or even punching his lights out, something brings you to draw back...well brings me to ,at least. I hardly know why that is either, for it would seem that through all of it I don't know much more than my own feelings. Not even the situation is before my eyes in plain sight, all swirled and twisted. He makes it sound simple. " Just forget me. " He has said, and yet is it truly to be that simple? To just FORGET an emotion? I would not think so, for I think to forget something has to do with your head, like the answer to a question or the way to say a verse, but emotions come from your heart and gut, and those things don't have the function of forgetting, as far as I know. They simply tell, and tell and tell and tell until you can hardly bare it. You feel this way, you feel that way, you want this, you long for that, your stomach and gut monitor those things, not memories. I would suppose they work together, like to remember something and feel warmth because you loved such a memory, but when the brain sends the message to the gut and heart that says forget, what is it that the heart and gut are to do? I need to know that, to know anything. To UNDERSTAND what I need to do, or feel, or even say to myself, to others, to whom I love, and be content. I understand that life is turbulent, everyone has it hard, and I'm glad to have some confusion, but what my heart says and what my head says are so different, that my transmition of what's around me has gone hay-wire. I could listen to one and be fine, I could listen to the other, and be fine, and yet I cannot bare to choose, and so I am lost.
Please, lend me your advice.
-Thisdarkness
thisdarkness Community Member 
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