Welp, last night I had a dream about my ex boyfriend. It was odd, but not in a way that's bad. Just odd as of that I didn't expect to dream about him. And it was just a dream of hanging out with him, and even more surprisingly, his girlfriend ( Or at least, how I would imagine her to be) and it was interesting because there wasn't animosity in my dream or anything, it was just like hanging out. After that, on the long drive home I found him on my mind, and it made me kinda sad. lol. Reminising on first loves, go me. XD Yea, today's been long and tiring for me. It's wonderful, just to be home where I have space and there isn't any sound save the music I'm playing. How I missed music!! I couldn't listen to music the whole time I was there, so I'm very glad to be home where I can listen to whatever I want. But being home in this empty space and having thought about how I treated my ex make me feel lonely in this rather empty home of mine. I have to come out, people, so stop reading here if you don't feel like listening to my rant.
I treated my ex like crap. I was very ugly to him after we broke up, and no matter what he said or how kind he was, I was still cruel to him. I don't know why, now that I think on it, too. Sure, he deserved it to a point, but in the end, I was in the wrong, and my apology to him was just as crude. I have to say not that I wish we were back together or anything like that, but that I hadn't done what I had. I've never wanted to be a cruel or ugly person in someone's eyes, but I'm sure I am just that in his. It makes me feel ashamed of myself, and just as he learned from me, I learned from him, because when I was busy telling him how vile he was, I forgot to notice that I was being just as cruel. I had every right to be mad at him, but loving him should've kept me from doing what I had. I don't know why I'm coming out with these feelings on Gaia, but yea. I needed to say something to someone, regardless of who it was. And it also makes me think about Faraaz. Faraaz in a way was almost pay back, because just like Sam couldn't get through to me, I couldn't ever get through to Faraaz. It's good that way though, because dating Faraaz- ugh, terrible mistake on my part. I have a girlfriend now, and she lives in New York, so I'm worried I'm already setting us up for an unfeeling, incomplete relationship, but I like her a lot...And regardless of all of my reasons for being with her, I'm terribly lonely. I have my friends, and I can't get enough of being with them, but the truth is, Sam was the first boy I had ever left, and all the rest of my relationships? I was dumped. For some reason or another, but it's the truth. I just get lonely, and I get tired of people not being as touchy feely as I am, or as passionate as I am, or people who can't hug their friends or hold hands or flirt jokingly. All those things I love, but ever now and then, I need a Sunday kind of love. lol One that lasts past saturday night ( Sings) Haha, I know, gooey, but it's true. Welp, that's my rant, just a thought of mine that's been looming about all day, and I would love to hear your thoughts on my thought.
Thisdarkness
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