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I ruin everything...first I ruin my friendship, then my love...what next? life? oh wait already ruined that...I cant get anything right anymore. I don't feel bad for myself...not at all. I desearve this. I know so many others have it worse and that I should be happy but I'm not. I know so many people who would die to have my life, but still...no matter how much I try I cant be happy. Everything good in life has left and I know I should keep my head up and be strong; wait for something good to happen but what's the point? Once I find something good in my life; something that makes me feel alive and have hope it leaves...disappears.
She hates me, he's fading away...this is just too much. I cant take it. All I want to is cry; cry until I die, but I cant cry anymore. I've wasted all my tears...I hate to admit it and I'm so sick with myself at what I've done...I ******** up big time. I see my mistakes and I want to be forgiven. Scratch that...i need to be forgiven. I cant live with what I've done. If she...he forgives I still wont be able to live with it but it will ease the pain I feel to a certain degree. Nothing will ever make this pain go away, these wounds will always be here. I ******** up big time...too many times...god what's wrong with me? Why am I so damn stupid?
She was supposed to never leave and he was supposed to love me forever...god this is so unfair...yet I know I desearve this. For every hurtful thing I've done, every mistake I've made, every sin I've made and everything else I've done...for all of those things I desearve this hell and oh so much more. I wish I could just die, no one would miss me...not one person I know would. They would laugh, cheer, and scream in delight that I was gone. I know it. Well I'm sorry for being a waste of your time people. I just hope you can forever give me because I will never be able to forgive myself...I'm truly sorry, from the bottom of my heart...
 miroku fan 101 · Sat Sep 20, 2008 @ 03:24am · 0 Comments |
