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I'm not lucky. You don't know how much it hurts to think that I'll never get to be held in his arms, to never feel his warm embrace, to never kiss his soft sweet lips, to never get to be with him. I fall asleep every night crying cause I'm afraid he'll leave like everyone else. that he doesn't love me, that he doesn't care about me, that he's just pretending me and using me like a toy. then what am i going to do? he has my heart and no matter what he does to me i cant hate him. if he were to leave me i would die inside, i wouldn't see the point in living. he's everything to me. that's not lucky, this is just torture...very pure, slow, painful torture. i hate being in love, why couldn't i just be alone like i always was? it was a lot easier and i never had to deal with this much pain. that's why i never really liked people, they always caused me pain....I just don't know what to do anymore. I love him, but I want to die so badly...I don't know which one I want more. The love of my life or to be dead...both sound good to me, but i know i cant have both...which should i choose?? To die would end this torture but only begin his and I couldn't bare to see him in pain...yet I was so close to ending it all...
 miroku fan 101 · Sat Jun 28, 2008 @ 07:58pm · 0 Comments |
