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So; tomorrow I’ve got an appointment with the new doctor at the hospital. She specializes with feet. I need to see if my back problems are caused from something with my feet. And ever since I had that splinter removed my heel has become an aching wreck. My knees and hip have been killing me recently; I suppose because of all of the bad weather blowing in.

We don’t use AC; I’ve been getting constant headaches every single day. I’m so close to abusing the migraine shots they gave me. Oh god, they feel so good.
I’ve become antsy, some days I just have to say how I don’t want to be touched or near a man. Women are what I like best but I know I can’t hold a relationship with one; I’m too sexual and I need a certain thing men have. biggrin

Please don’t tell me how much I suck and how bad I am at everything. I don’t need it shoved in my face. I know, I admit it. Now just leave it alone. I’m exhausted and my face is dry with the tears. How would you feel when everyone criticizes you, when no one says how much you matter? When every single day you’re told how bad you are? I know where I stand. I have no skills; I read a lot because a book can’t say how much I suck. The only people that follow me around are perverts, people who share the same love for Doclett and BDSM. Because I can be the ultimate toy…the ultimate doll. I turn pain off, all feeling is superficial. It starts again. I see only the things around me but all they are is things. That’s a fan, but I don’t feel the air, my headache is gone, and I feel no keyboard under my fingers. I hear music but do not associate it with anything; it’s only sound. I do not hear what it is they’re saying. So ******** me now. Stick me, I’m just dead inside anyway. “We’re not broke, we’re broken.” There’s no pain now; maybe I should use that needle now. It sounds nice. And I have a bottle of sleeping pills. I’m tired but I don’t feel sleep’s need or tug. Detaching myself from reality took a whole five seconds. I feel delightfully euphoric. Who cares what happens now.