You think you have problems. Right.
How would you like to be a monumentally depressed paranoid-delusional schizoid obsessive compulsive histrionic-suffer with a tendency to burn down villages and get destroyed horribly by the sheer incompetence of your supposed trusted employees and the power of 'Good'?
No, didn't think so.
Evil Overlord-ism isn't really what it's cracked up to be. So the perks are good. You own the world. But really, Evil Overlords are misunderstood, under-represented beings, who aren't really very Evil at all, just Slightly Confused. Evil Overlord-ism can be a category of mental disorders in itself.
Trust me on this one.
I mean, take the Evil Laugh. The traditional, Evil Laugh. So it's meant to strike terror into the hearts of all beings. Big deal. Let's apply a little Freudian analysis to this and everything falls apart.
When you take apart Evil Overlord Laughs, you will notice they always consist of a small noise, such as 'mwah' or 'wu' or 'bwa' at the beginning, followed by the habitual insane laughter (the 'hahaha' bit…in case you didn't know. * rolls eyes *) E.g. MWAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHA! WUHAHAHAHA! and so on and so forth.
This is not a coincidence.
The small noise in the beginning is a noise of frustration, pain, and confusion. Come on, let's all say, 'bwaa' or 'mwaaa' in a plaintive, sad tone. * menacing stare *. Say it. Saay. Iiit.
Don't make me go over there.
Goood.
Now don't you see that really, the little noise at the beginning is just a symbol of the Evil Overlord's inner conflict and turmoil? Don't judge what you cannot understand! You've never been in a situation where you've had to destroy a few thousand villages on a tight budget and constrained time scale, armed with a few incompetent henchmen and a white cat, AND find time to meditate soothingly on the meaning of life and the transitory illusion of all existence. It's extremely difficult to keep a sense of proportion under such circumstances.
Trust me, I've been there.
But Evil Overlords are under a tremendous sense of pressure. Supposedly, in our modern society, there are support groups for everyone; there is a loving net of people to catch you when you fall. HAH! NOT FOR EVIL OVERLORDS THERE ISN'T! Evil overlords are taught to negate all their feelings and worries; to put 'trust' in their increasingly incompetent and pathetic henchmen, to believe themselves to be 'all powerful.' Is it any wonder, then, that they try to dismiss their feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness by negating that small noise of indecision with a resounding Evil Laugh? Nay! Verily! Forsooth!
Yeah. And so on.
Evil Overlords suffer from a serious need for acceptance. Acceptance, and love. Why else do you think that Evil Overlords make a point of telling the Hero every single detail of their world domination plans while sentencing the Hero to a slow, painful death? Because they NEED TO BE LOVED, damn you! We all know that the Hero wouldn't spare a second look for the Evil Overlord (who by the way is * never * the Romantic Interest. That's gotta hurt) if the Evil Overlord didn't grab his attention in some way. And as we all know, the best way to grab someone's attention is to put them in danger of a slow, painful death.
Of course, the Hero completely doesn't understand what the Evil Overlord is trying to say. That's gotta hurt too. Here you are, pouring your soul out to someone, putting your trust in his judgment, asking him, in your own special way, to love you…and the second he gets out of your oh-so-obviously-designed-for-him-to-get-out-of-without-any-* real * - difficulty Death Trap, he turns around and kills you. AFTER having rescued some stupid blonde American bint from one of your mouldier dungeons. * makes noises of outrage and general sympathy for all Evil Overlords everywhere *
Dealing with rejection like this all their lives, is it any surprise that Evil Overlords are so…brittle and prickly on their outsides?
But reach inside, and you will find a Real Person, who Really Needs to be Loved.
All this sacking and pillaging of villages, all these plans for global domination…do you think we really do them just for the luxury of Power over millions of ignorant, pathetic, semi conscious, undeserving of life, mindless - yeah. Anyway. Got a little carried away there. What I meant to say was, all this death and destruction is just our way of saying that we love you. Didn't some famous bloke say, 'each man destroys the thing that he loves most'? No, someone did. No, really. No. That is not a misquote.
* slow look of deep menace *
Don't contradict me. You'll regret it.
* bright cheerful smile * Anyway. I'm trying to show you that really, Evil Overlords are only expressing their love for the world with their toxic sewage, their genetically modified monsters, their thermonuclear fallout. Come on. It is their way of trying to reach out, to connect. All Evil Overlords really want, besides unlimited power, wealth, and a bevy of terrified slaves, is to be loved.
Put that way, it doesn't seem a lot to ask, does it?
Evil Overlords typically are actually quite loving, caring people. They stroke cats. Keep horses. Design terrifying weapons of mass destruction. That sort of thing. Do they really deserve to be destroyed?
Think about it.
And no, I'm not writing this article as a blatant piece of propaganda to make you all feel sorry for me and see me as a really harmless, sweet being who is only trapped by her unhappy situation and really would * much * rather spend a day in looking over her (non existent…I'm not that sad) stamp collection than pillaging and destroying villages wantonly so that when my Real Plans ™ are revealed the world will be caught entirely unprepared and defenceless.
What on earth would give you that idea?
Arivae Community Member 
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