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Chaos.... My life is becoming chaos.
My mom threw me out- again.
My friend is making a HUGE mistake and not heading my advice.
My ex is stalking me via net and phone.
The guy that almost raped me and is not supposed to be within a hundred yards of me just showed up in my school parking lot the other day.
My mom hates me- more than usual.
Another of my friends can't seem to make up his mind about giving something a second chance that I think will do him some good. Plus it will prohibit me from screwing up a relationship if he tries further to get me into one... Stupid as it sounds, I'm 100% positive it wouldn't work mainly because of me.
And to top it all off, to add tit for tat, my close friend turned up pregnant... And sinc she's keeping it- wants me to be a god parent. Is that even legal? xp If it is I'm not aware of it.
What to do what to do... things are in shambles and only bode getting worse as the year goes on. My Mom is having a baby, whcih as soon as she can ditch it'll be my place to care for it and take care of it- much as I have done with my younger brother who just turned 9 recently.
What to do what to do... I have no clue... So, I wrote a poem... sounds like me... world's falling apart around me- and I sit down and write... stare I swear, I need help, major help...

Happy


I’m tired of crying
Sick of running away
Tired of being so damn sure
That everything will be okay
It used to be some far off wish
Now it’s a feverish cry
That echoes through my mind
The single bit of truth in the lie

Throw the penny into the fountain
Make a wish they say
Some close their eyes and whisper
A few would even pray
But I would be so still
Tightly clasp the penny
I would hope for one single thing
To simply be happy

My wish has never changed
Never been guessed or spoken
And my hope has never wavered
Ever always unbroken
But my life has gotten harder
My world turned ever colder
I find myself looking into eyes that blame me
For having a chip on my shoulder

I’m hurting inside
Nursing an old wound in my heart
That came from trusting my world
That slowly fell apart
But never again would hope tear me down
I chose to stand-alone
Never again would I trust the world
I chose to stay on my own

Throw the penny into the fountain
Make a wish they say
Some close their eyes and whisper
A few would even pray
But I would be so still
Tightly clasp the penny
I would hope for one single thing
To simply be happy


Kemino Sury
1-19-05