------I'm contemplating if I should continue writing in this book. I'm 31 as of writing this and this is the new year. I came to realize that being with Anika has been one of the biggest things that hurt me this whole decade. She's the girl in your 20's who really isn't emotionally mature, doesn't know what the ******** she wants and, lives off the drama. She did that for me and I watched her become from this amazing confident woman to just a shell of her former self. I don't know how to heal/fix her. I promised her that I would never let her go. I even put a ring on her finger; a butterfly band with diamonds on the wings.
------Being with her has gave me immense freedom and joy, but also incredible amounts of pain and unnecessary suffering. She is a ghost like she says. She really can't hold onto any meaningful relationships and connections with people. They all just fade away with her. These are all her words that she tells me. It hurts because I've been with her this whole time. We've been together for more than a decade now. I've seen her destroy herself and burn her bridges because she doesn't know what she wants or she's too emotionally unavailable to face her own problems.
------I'm scared of letting her go. After all being with her defined my decade. I wouldn't really know who I am without her. But I think its time for me to figure that out again, even though I know she'll always be a part of me. I'm ready to close this book I think. I'm sorry you had to find out this way. If you ever read this.
Until Next Time?
- r.k.s
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My Book
I've been writing in this since I was thirteen in 2007. I still am writing in it, and it will probably be my legacy till the day I die. (Don't start reading from the beginning as my writing was atrocious then.)
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