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------Alexis, that's their name, but I know them as Sixela which is backwards. We met on a game and we're in the same guild but really we didn't start talking till late July. I've been casually flirting with them beforehand on the previous interactions. I know I'm somewhat naturally flirty but I know I'm also not very real. I always thought that people come and go from my life. I've never really held down friends or kept anyone close to me at least with my 30 years of being alive so far. In reality though it's me; I'm a specter, a ghost and I come into your life for a brief moment only to disappear to where ever else life takes me. It's definitely lonely. But that's why I have you, at least if you're still here reading this.

------We never really went anywhere but that was by my design. Dira tells me to let them go because I'm just wasting their time. There is this comfort that they give me, and thats the comfort of their presence. Of course they were into me romantically. I don't think I felt the same, but when I did; I'd always feel guilty just because I'm just a passerby.

------They "broke up" with me yesterday but in reality we never went out. We were just in that limbo for four months, that limbo called the talking phase. I made them cry. I also cried? I think, I'm not sure. I'm not really sure what I'm feeling. After all I expected this outcome, my hand was on the steering wheel the entire time. I moored the ship myself into this port. I told them about Phoebe, and how I'm not really over her as I thought I would be. That I still have her paintings hung up in my room. That I'm just drowning myself in work to cope with that loss. But also the fact that that experience has changed me in a way that I don't think I'll ever love that deeply again.

------Dira tells me to ghost them. I'm not sure if I can. I learned that lesson with Mari already. I don't want to make the same mistake twice. I told Alexis that I love them but my voice was shaking when I said so. Shaking out of fear. I don't even know what love is. I think about all the people who I ever loved in my entire life; they come and go. But relatively it's me who's just passing by because I myself is a ghost. They're still here but I know after yesterday the time we have is limited and that they'll slowly drift away into memories.

Thank you for reading,
A.A.M