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In the pit of my stomach
I know it
To be hatred
Hatred so deep and strong
It actually sickens me.
My guts twist at the idea that I'll see her.
When she opens the door
I just want to turn on my heel and never look back.
I feel dread when I hear her name.
When I hear her voice.
When she puts her arms around me
and thinks we're good friends.

More than anything I hate when she begins to
bad-mouth you.
Tell me who you've been with recently.
What girl you're chasing after.
Who you probably slept with.
or any "progress" she's made getting closer to you.
All the while
she doesn't know I like him.

At first, before any cards were
on the table
I thought she and I could have been friends
But we can't.
The initial awkward
it has been replaced
with hatred
dread
to the point where I want to tell her the truth.
Where I don't want to see her.
Where I nearly throw up.
Where I spend hours trying to ignore the tight feeling
in my chest

because try as I might I
can't shake off her words
and that's what I hate the most.