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You tell me you love me
You tell me you're sorry
That you flirt
with everyone
with
my
friends.
You tell me I'm special
to you
You tell me
you want another girl
Just
Like
Me.
How special am I
If you can have two?
I can't tell who is more selfish.
I want you
to just want me
and me alone.
I selfishly want loyalty.
And you
want more than I have given.
You seek to make me
interchangeable.
You ask me to
accept you as you are.
And I will.
You ask me to
forgive you
if you
take another girl to bed.
And I will.
I want you around always.
I can't hate you.
But forgiving you
and being unaffected
are two
very
different things.
You will always be
instantly forgiven
for everything.
But I will die slowly.
Author's Note: I took the title from one of my favorite Old 97's songs. "Terrible Vision". The intro is a bit like
"I had a dream I was employed;
At my old position;
As your second string;
You cut me down;
To the quick;
It hurt so badly..."
Last night...Chad was on the fringe of telling me I mean something....no, he really did call me special. But...He also really does want a second girl. That treats him like I do. It's like he made it clear....That he'll have one, that I'm really not enough, that he needs more. He says it'll make him happy.
What's wrong with me that I'm not enough? Where am I falling short? Why?! Why does he need another girl!? And why...can't he stop flirting with people I'VE introduced him to?! Doesn't he understand that that is...the highest form...of betrayal? I accept him as he is....I haven't thrown him out of my life for his actions, and I tell him he's fine, because he's not a bad person. But....to make me....to have another girl...with the same relationship with him....I can't...I don't want...I don't want a part of it.
Because when you love more than one person "the same"....then you don't really love either of them.
Are you reading this?
 kazuka78 · Thu May 24, 2012 @ 03:24pm · 0 Comments |
