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I know why I want you to like me so much.
Because if you did,
It's make it okay that I like you as much as I do.


Notes: If Chad liked me, it'd be okay for me to tell him I love him. It wouldn't be weird for me to tell him that I'm thinking of him. I wouldn't have to wait until we're alone to kiss him. Maybe he'd kiss me, instead of the other way around.

That's why I wrote my last poem. I want to know how he feels, because then it would make my feelings...valid I guess. I wouldn't be loving someone with my whole heart, who is indifferent to me. And...I won't lie...I love to be loved. I like to be needed. I know I said I don't want to be used as a tool until exhausted...But I still like to be...owned, in a sense. I want it to matter to Chad that I've dedicated myself to him. I wish he knew how rare and strange it is to have my complete undying loyalty, to have me in his corner fighting for him and caring about him.

Because I normally don't care. I normally regard everyone (save for friends) with mild disdain and sometimes amusement. I'm one of those arrogant bastards that looks down on humans in general, but I definitely consider myself subhuman. Less than human, but I can see through all their bullshit. I normally HATE everything, and think I can be fine. He doesn't see how special it is that I've picked him of everyone. That I actually care how he is, that I want to do things for him.

I know I'm good to my friends, but to a boyfriend, to a lover....I'm....even more so.

But I guess, when girls are always fawning over you....soul dedication....must mean nothing...It's typical. I'm typical. I'm just the normal girl who falls for him. And he can't figure out who he should settle down with, if at all...If he wanted me, he'd have picked me by now. If I was special to him, he'd have known by now.

I should probably try to win my soul back.

Going to go read manga in the bath tub. Time to reunite with my one true love.

Books.