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I want to be loved back
so badly.
It's never going to happen.

Never
nEver
NeVer
nevEr
neveR

My heart is torn up.
Because I want to be his only.

Want
wAnt
waNt
wanT

I say I want to be loved back
just once.
But that's half true.
I want him to be the one to do it.
It doesn't have to be tonight
or tomorrow.
I can wait.

It's the fact that it feels like
Never
is what makes me cry for hours.
He'll never change his mind.

It's going to be like this forever.
I'll be dedicated,
Giving all I can.
My feelings won't change,
Until I'm thoroughly betrayed.

And in return
I'll be empty.
There is no 'in return'.
And I'll hate

Hate
hAte
haTe
hatE

myself
For being so pathetic.

And he'll get tired of how I am.
Knowing what I want.
How I get sad
Almost all the time
over this.
How I'm paralyzingly selfish.
He's better off without me.
I've stopped making him happy.
Because my heart hurts
and I can't keep it to myself.
I spread it to him like a manipulative
depressive
b***h.

why can't he just hate me
throw me away
make me evolve a little
and never let me step out of my library world.
For his own good.
So he can go on and be happy.

I want him around always
because he makes me happy.
All I do is drag him down.
I am fully aware.