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Undeniably.
Irrevocably.
Completely.
Honestly.
In love
with the one
I said
I wasn't.
I can't control it.
He's wonderful.
I see now
That I truly have to let go of
the One Responsible for Unspeakable Evil.
Because this one
Chad
is not like him.
he presents a new set of problems.
But I can see past them.
I can see how beautiful his soul really is.
The only problem is
that he isn't happy
because he can't see it himself
Because he says he can't feel love

If i can stop being the worst person
If i knew how to help
If I wasn't so useless
Then maybe he'll be as happy as he deserves.


Note: He was telling me this and i began to cry. He told me he can't feel love and he hates himself for it.
And I cried because I hate staring down the very real chance he won't be happy. That he'll always feel that way. That there isn't a thing I can do to change that. In fact, most of the time I make him feel bad. I shouldn't live. but he keeps giving me chances to help. SOMEDAY WE'LL FIND OUT HOW TO MAKE HIM HAPPY. I PROMISE.