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i am so far from ok
i am definitely not alright
but i am a good liar
i can hide it all perfectly
behind a smile
that isn't true
and they can't even sense it
none of them
not a single one knows
what i am inside
that i am a ghost
with a terrible secret
and a horrible heart
that can never heal
especially not the ones who all
have something to make them happy
so happy
that they are blinded
to my sorrow

i want to tell them
but wouldn't that be selfish?
wouldn't that be childish?
i would ruin their happiness
if i told them my misery
but i want to share it....
but not spread it
i want to keep it to myself
but let someone know how i feel

i make fun of this sometimes
but when i laugh aloud
i cry alone
because it;s really not funny
it really isn't
but i want it to be
so i can stop being saddened
by the fact that i am left in the dust
as the others run ahead
and leave me behind

just a ghostly stepping stone
to aid those who need it
to be discarded and forgotten
when i am no longer of use
so is my fate
but every so often, i feel real
and that only makes it harder
to remember
that i am dead

it;s even worse, when as i die
all those around me are so happy
so damn happy
it makes me sick almost
that i am denied that same feeling
because when i think i have it
it is pulled from me, and i die again
and the pain returns 10 fold
as i resign myself to it
and let them get so absorbed in themselves
they forget my heart is real
though i am not

i can't find the words that'll make it sound right
so let me try anyways
i know I'll fail
because that's what always happens
its what is supposed to happen
so let me try
I'll tell you all about, the wonderful game
that you're all playing
but don't know, though i do

you;re not talking...
i don't think you understand
you don't understand the point of the game
or the message i am giving you
because you're happy
that's why
because you just changed the topic
to yourself...
I'm a little let down
i have been all day
all week really
because you can't see
that you're hurting me, though i know it's not your fault
or at least, i don't want it to be


but it doesn't matter
it'll numb again
it does
but it takes it's time
so you go be happy
I'll be fine
I'm lying
but you don't know
and i don't think you even care
you might have once
before you found your happiness elsewhere
and i was no longer useful
and you
discarded
me