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I'll not regret it if i let him go
because as much as i love him
as much as i need him
he doesn't love me
he doesn't need me
he loves her
i'll have no regrets if he's so happy


i'm just background noise
that he shuts off
as she kisses him
and he kisses back
with more passion than i'll ever have from him
as i have a mental breakdown in the street

then he'll tell me all about it
all about how he's so happy with a girl
that i wish was me

even though i need him
he'll be alright
if i tell him i can't take it much longer
i can't live lost in the shadow they cast
i can't last simply being his spare girl
i can't stand being the one he doesn't care about
because i'm going to die like that
so i'll go pick out a good knife
he'll kiss her hard
and i'll still be the only one hurting

i'll watch over them
and make heaven my personal hell
but if he's so happy
how can i be so sad?

Sept 27,2011 Update: I regret it so much. I lost him to circumstances outside my control. Just last sunday. Not to this girl, but to reasons I honestly don't know. And it hurts like hell. I no longer want to live. Everythign seems empty and pointless and he was in every aspect of my life. I still want to talk to him, I want to tell him my thoughts, hear about his day, tell him "goodmorning", and call him "Biscuit" like I was able to. But he disappeared for the longest time (62+ days) and returned once in the middle, to tell me he still loved me. And on that day i was happy. i thought things would be normal. Because I still loved him. But then 30 days after that, he told me we could no longer talk even, and brought things to an abrupt end. And i feel horrible. I wish more than anything I could have had the chance to help fix this or that we could have gotten past whatever the problem is/was. BECAUSE I ******** LOVE HIM STILL, WITH ALL MY HEART. I KNOW THESE POEMS ARE DARK, BUT I REALLY DO WRITE WHEN I FEEl AWFUL. I need him...I wish I could talk to him. I can talk to everyone it seems....except the one person I need the most.