Music: The Killers - Read My Mind
Mood: Meh... o_o
I've been feeling really...bleh, lately. I know I should update my real blog and I know I should work on profiles and I know I should work on my actual website...but I keep getting sidetracked or I focus on pain too much, or I think about Shawn too much. My priorities are all shitty. I decided to just post here...for the hell of it. Not like anyone reads it, or cares, but sometimes it helps for me to just type. There are things I haven't been allowing myself to think about, but Shawn kinda made me. Not like forcefully...just like...he talks and some things stick. Made me realize that I spend a lot of time online because I really have no friends here. When I still lived in the city I could just spend twenty minutes making calls and gather all my friends somewhere. But I uprooted my life for Shawn. It's not that I regret doing so. Far from it. He makes me really happy. I guess...I just need to spend more time working on the apartment and less time on the computator.
Almost all the episodes of Nana have been making me cry lately. They're all just so...sad, or dramatic. Except for episode 39...it made me cry, but laugh at the same time. Nana is so cool...the way she just turned to the cameras and said. "Hey, Hachiko...look at me. I'll make all your dreams come true." I'm up to episode 40. I hate waiting so long for the episodes, but their really worth it.
Crash and burn...
All the stars explode tonight
How'd you get so desperate
How'd you stay alive?
Help me please
Burn the sorrow from your eyes
Oh come on, be alive again
Don't lay down and die...
Heh, I love this song. The Spin Aqua version of 'Malibu' it's so...calm. And I like Anna Tsuchiya's voice. It just relaxes me, big time. Hell, even the Courtney Love version relaxed me. I know things aren't as hopeless as I sometimes make them out to be. So someone remind me to slap myself when I start acting too Emo.
This is it. I'm here. I've arrived. I'm happy...but I always find a reason to cry. Is nothing ever good enough for our inner city princess? Ha....don't mind me.
People have been asking me how things are going though...and I keep giving vague answers. Well here's 'how it's going'. Shawn and I get along really well. He's sweet and funny. I don't work yet...but we're going to take care of that after we get back from our vacation at the end of the month. I'm a little scared, to tell ya the truth. But I've gotta get out there some time. I still feel like a kid. I sometimes wish it was all simple again. Someone give me a candycane...
