Missy
today febuary 4 2004 was only one of the days that are hard and wet from tears today was a good day up utill that evening the evning that made my head feel like it was splitting in half and my face and hair burn with pian. my mom and my sister went to the taco bell by raleys to get dinner my mom got me a nacho plate and 10 tacos my sister hates tacos so she stole my nachos playing around my sister doent want to give them to me so i called her a b***h and a horror she always gets called that but she isnt really when you get to know her well she went up stairs and told my mom. my mom doent like those words and so she came down and started hitting me and yelling i took it and then she started hitting me with the fone i hated it but i took it like a man i guesse then after i told my mom that she called me a b***h but she didnt then my mom went upstiars and slapped my sister and grabbed her hair and dragged down stiars and yelled and hit some more.
How does this make us feel worthless useless stupid and words cant describe.
this all started over nachos. fodd. taco bell.... hoe dumb!.
broken hearts brused arms torcheed souls and endless pain
How does this make us feel worthless useless stupid and words cant describe.
this all started over nachos. fodd. taco bell.... hoe dumb!.
broken hearts brused arms torcheed souls and endless pain
That last part my sister wrote.... My god she doesn't even begin to discribe the amount of pain she goes through dayly.... I just wish that she would say it.. So Erin you finily get a little look at why I have to be so rock hard when it comes to emotion.... But to day was the first ******** day I just snaped... I can't take it anymore. I can't go through life and act as if everything is ok. My mom is on the end of killing herself Melissa has been trying to kill herself for so sooo long... i have no idea how many times she has tried. My god my keyboard is go9ing to short out for the tears me and her have both shed while we wrote this. I feel so much pain finily, I feel... alive.... I have finily excepted that I am alive and mean something and in this world there are problems and I can no longer ignore them. I have developed the morst thing of all, a smile.... I have learned to hide the pain of ten lifetimes with one smile, I feel as though I could walk through hell and yet still smile. But to hurt me mom and go through this life that I have lived with a smile and if I could choose betweena this and hell.... I would take hell in a heart-beat. But still I refuse to give up, I think that alot of people would break under this strain...... This burning of soul and tourchering of minds. I feel I should have killed myself so long ago. But for some reason I haven't. I haven't even tired, so in this I feel that I am strong only because of my past. I now thank all the assholes in my past years of school, if they hadn't made my life a living hell I might not have ever written this. I'll live on and in the end I know things will heal.
Endless sarrow of a broken heart,
We weep for those that are lost,
And yet stand there doing nothing,
So choose life or death,
Do you love or hate,
I for on shall live on with a smile,
I shall live with human kinds worst weapon,
A lie to ones self.
