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Have you every got that feeling where you felt emotional cold to everything around you. It a really werid feeling and rarely somes aroudn for most. Well it been over a month or two senice I last wrote so I thought I would spend sometime doing a little release. Now that we are someing down to the end of the school year, this being the last week of it. I am sure things are going to be changing. Next yeara lot of things will be different, I know some are going and others are staying butover thids summer I have the feeling people are going to be changing. Ah, well change is a natural thing and can't be helped so I think i'll just hope for the best. Over this past week or two I have been a little stressed and right now I am quite tired. Litereally I feel like i'm going to fall asleep as I type. But this is nothing compared to the cold frost I have been filled with. Laughter right now seems to be all too forced and somethings are just meaningless. I don't want to have to go back to being so heartless and cold. but at this rate it seems that I will have no choice. I am so sad that I am left to falling into this fate. I hate being me, the me that I am can so easily hide everything... The pain... The hurt.... The sarrow... can so easily been hidden behind a false smile. But in the end I am sure I will make it through... I am quite stuborn, but the thing I fear is that i will fall back into the pit I once lived in. A black place in my heart where the door was covered in smiles and happyness but inside with nothing but tears and blood. The only way in the past I could have keep going on was to deny it all and just feel nothing. I forsake all for life, I don't want to fall back into hate. Now I just want to.... have a place where I can tell all. I just want to hold on to someone and just have the pain on my soul disappear into the happiness the other gives. Above all I just want to heard, and not thought of as complainging. I don't want to be bitchy.... I just want to have someone to care, someone I can look straight into the eye and for them to know what I feel. Of course that is impossible with the type of person I am, I refuse to let others in. I seem to trust no one, yet don't take this to heart I trust a lot of people. But what I don't trust is that I can truely have them see me for who I am and not critize. Someone to see that human pain is something that is normal and know what to do. Right now I feel so lost and confused. And above all else I don't knwo what to do. I just want to have a place where I can release and let me soul feel true again. But I guess in the end I will never let anyone see me, I trust none and so I close myself and live so cold. Don't live cold, love all, and see that the world is truely a beautiful place. Don't be me live your life in true happiness and let yourself heal. I just hope that with time it will heal all. I am sure in a week or two I will befine but for now I will just work hard and I will make it through.

Lost Soul

To be so completely defined by this relationship
Lingering shadows upon the wall
Echoing voices down the hall

Distorted figures move in the night
They don't understand their timeless plight

Visions of the past
They don't seem to last

Confused and alone
In a world now unknown

Hollowed eyes that cry no tears
Wash away forgotten years