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emo

Now, if you're here, you're probably wondering why whatever I've posted in the forums is a little weird or off (I mean, compared to my usual irrational bullshit). It's because...

I just got rejected.

Big time.

Context: There's this guy, T. I've been attracted to him for two years and a bit due to his scathing wit and seemingly inexhaustible patience. Last year, I mustered up the courage to ask him out. He said, "No, sorry. I'm busy," then something I couldn't hear due to the [******** BUS THAT NEEDS A ******** MUFFLER OR SOMETHING, ******** IT! scream So I left off until today. There's a dance coming up soon and I thought, hey, ya know, this might be a good time for a second try. So I somehow remained standing long enough despite the sudden weakness in my knees to ask him if he would go to the dance with me.

You know that bit he said at the bus stop that I couldn't hear that I mentioned?

It turns out it was, "I already have a girlfriend."

Thud.

That was me, running headlong into a brick wall. So, I apologized for bothering him, spent the next half an hour cursing my own stupidity ("I mean, honestly, he's too perfect to not already have a girlfriend! And I must have been ******** deaf not to hear what he said the first time!" etc.) , and then had a revelation while walking home. If that girl deserves him, which evidently, by his judgment, she does, then I should admire her. I'm happy for him and happier for her. Envy? Psh. What good has that ever done?

So, since I have decided vehemently against going to the dance with the emotionally ignorant yet incomprehensibly attractive... person I used to call a boyfriend (who can figure it all out for his ******** self when I'm dancing with another man) and I have been rejected by T, I'm just going to lay low and let what will be, be.

Though there is this other guy...