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I feel stuck in life. I do.

I get jobs i don't move up the ladder, or even make a living off. My current "Volunteer" job i did get a stipend for $2,000 but that's like for all year. There has been more "talk" about another stipend, but in my life "Talk" is just that... Talk. We are working with a lady to get a grant for an event. All we will get is probably just a verbal "Thank You." eek

I see people in my family moving up in life, personally and professionally. My cousin was able to buy a multimillion dollar house/property because she rose through the company through work. Everyone loves her. And yes, I'm jealous.

It seems everything I want or wanted in life, everyone else gets. Some days I feel people read my mind and then just have the life i picture in my head. I am not crazy, because I know that's not the case.

Even in my own family. My mom is giving my brother most of our child-hood toys, our shared OG Sega Genesis (With Sega CD) he doesn't even play with. He got my kitchen stand toy...all because he has a kid. I don't because i have been so unlucky in my life. LONG STORY.

I'm not a huge people person, true...I have had social anxiety all my life. If you want to talk unfair...all my "Childhood friends" and classmates from elementary school, liked my brother more. The friends I did have, ditched me. I know I can't control what people do, but it just shows that "friends' will stab you in the back.

I'm at a dead-end. I have a film degree. I have tried to start my own transfer job, but that ended up in the trash after my first job, which was a diaster. It just feels like I'm stuck. I tried getting out there "Socially" by joining groups on meet-up.com. A dog group, leave it to me to adopt the most unsocial chihuahua. I loved her dont get me wrong, but i felt jealous when people met friends through their dog. People loved the other dogs, my dog was like me.

Things in MY life, never work out. Ever in the long run.
Even if I do everything right... it just doesn't pan out.