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im seriously coming here to escape
this is the only plac where no on knows me and i can say these things without getting any attention from them
its truly freeing
my priv twitter is my priv twitter but it also has my partners and friends that i know on there so i cant TRULY freely post some of my actual feelings there
for the most part i am pretty free with my rantings
but i cant rant or vent or anything about them there without them seeing it. and i dont want them to see it. i just want to scream it out without anyone else seeing it and freaking out
bc my passive suicidal ideation is already enough to get me on a grippy sock vacation and forced on meds that dont work
imagine if they knew about how OCD ******** so hard with me to the point where i thought i was legit schizophrenic until i educated myself more on the subject
then they might actually think im a schizo bc i swear to god a lot of the doctors are dumber than me and they have a ******** degree
all this information including speeches, research documents, peer reviewed studies, etc. ALL THIS BREAKING NEW INFORMATION that they ******** REFUSE to acknowledge bc its new
the information i give them about myself that they REFUSE to acknowledge bc "oh we need corroborating stories from your family member to confirm the dx"
LIKE I HADN'T BEEN MASKING MY ENTIRE LIFE SO THEY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THE STRUGGLES I'VE GONE THROUGH AND STILL GO THROUGH
FANCY THAT
A LOOPHOLE IN THEIR SYSTEM THAT THEY CAN EXPLOIT TO FURTHER PUNCH ME DOWN INTO A HOLE UNTIL IM EVENTUALLY JUST ANOTHER STATISTIC
i know theres a system they have to run by. i know there's procedures they have to follow. it just baffles me how they cannot find value in your own words coming from your own mouth and dismiss them so easily based on their own prejudice and ignorance
the whole mental health system in this country is a literal joke
one day im going to reach a real breaking point and idk when that will be. but it feels like its soon