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I just got back from talking with my boyfriend. I am so scared, I don't know what's wrong with me. I was talking with him about our relationship and explaining how important the knife was to me, he said I could keep it, but he wanted me to clean it. I said I would agree to the two promises, but then I asked him something. I can't remember what, but something I said came out wrong and hurt his feelings. We got in an argument and I just started crying for no reason, I couldn't stop. I held the phone to my ear and just kept crying. I cried for an hour and thirty minutes, just holding the phone. I couldn't say anything, everytime I tried to say something it came out as a sob. I was choking every time I opened my mouth.

I think I was having a panic attack. I told him what I thought about the relationship, I remember something about me saying a waste of time, I think he took it the wrong way. Then I asked him if he still wanted to be my boyfriend, he said no. I then asked are we over, and he said yes. I wanted to hang the phone up, but I couldn't because then that would make it final. I just held it and cried. I started shaking and rocking back and forth, trying to make something come out of my mouth. I couldn't say anything. My boyfriend asked me what was wrong and if I was okay, but I just shook my head yes, I couldn't speak, and he couldn't see me shaking my head. I don't know what's wrong with me? I don't know what happened? Someone please tell me what happened.

My boyfriend and me are still going out, but I'm so scared. I was so afraid of being alone, of going back to the way I was three years ago. I am afraid of myself, I don't want to be alone. I can't be alone or I will go back to the way I was. I know it, that's why I was so upset. That's why I couldn't say anything, because I was so alone. It was just me in the world, all alone, by myself. I...I...I'm so scared. Someone tell me what's happening. Someone tell me what's wrong with me? Please....someone...anyone.