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Gah...depression for like...4 days straight is suckish...I mean..i'll get happy for a few minutes...but its not the same

I keep thinking about leaving.....Cuz idk what to do...Start fresh yaknow...Im 15...I have some money..but it only lasts so long and i have no way to get it at the moment...stupid bank hasn't sent me a card....grrr...

I am in love and can't do a damn thing about it...and i keep pushing people away cuz i just don't feel the same about anyone else...And idk what to think about him now....I just don't...Nor do i know how to feel....Gahhh

And honestly im thinking about getting my ear and my lip pierced without my parents knowing. Great way to ruin my modeling dreams with colored hair...Why not add to it yeah? Tomorrow im going to get purple in my hair...the pink is a no go cuz of the blue...it'd bleed throo blah blah blah

And guess what! I feel way ******** up...
What day was it...Sunday I was home alone...which itself freaked me out..But then suddenly...i just...i wanted to kill myself..i couldn't think and i kept crying and crying and crying. I finally took a hot bath..and it helped..till i got a text about something at like...9pm..and then it all came back...and i started the uncontrolable crying yet again..Finally before my parents came home i cleaned myself up and was ready to act happy as normal...
Idk whats wrong with myself..And i didn't tell the tharapist..But its been bugging me for days yaknow...

anyway...i just...i feel like im alone...i know im not..but i wish this one person would help me....

oh well..im shutting up...laterr