I've come to a conlusion. I am not meant to be happy. All my life, i have been outcast from the NORMAL people because i see things more clearly than others do. Wheni was younger i had alot of major behavioral issues, and people choosing simply to ignore my crys for help just made my heart shrink. As long as i can remember i hvaen't felt truly happy, maybe at ease for an hour or two, but then somthing disaztrous has to happen to ruin my peace. I have friend at my school, but as always, the're.....i hate to say it...the're nerds, geeks, socially unacceptable, to everyone else i mean. these are the only people who aren't so shallow and padantic, yet when i forged friendship with them, it seems as if the whole schools hatred for me was visible. i have peole whom i never even spoke to, nor looked in the eye who hate me. wheni ask why they give no answer the a rude comment and a glare. I even convinced myself that i was loved(liked0 this girl, i thought she was so much different, caring, maybe thoughtful. when she views me the exact same way. none of the people who hate me know me. its as if i'm a hate magnet.

Although i have friends, although i have family.....i yearn for more.....a girl...maybe a girlfriend.....that feeling has yet to be attained, yet i am afraid because i fear with it comes more pain. That i cannot bear. I want to yell at them all, i want to force all of them in a room and have them get o know me, and those whose hatred remains can the hate me, as long as they gave me a chance....chance, is it by random chance that i have to be so miserable, is this even a good enough reason to be sad. I'm not poor, i'm not dying, nor is anyone i care for, i'
m just lonely, i feel forgotten, overlooked, pathetic, yet even though i fear it does not exist for my eyes, i looks for love, and not once, have i seen in, touched it, or even gotten close to it, for it is not for me, i am doomed.