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Yeah...more or less I am just using this to get crap off my chest.....so do not take anything in here realy big.... ""To those that eve will read such BS"" but yeah......lifes still hard for me......i have a job now but the pay is to little........and the rent is to much....plus my dad wanting to have me move in with my bro is kinda good but i will lose everything that keeps me alive...AKA my friends........and i need them......and as much as i would realy like to have a relationship they just piss me off. so most likely as long as i can i will never have one. wich by how well i am doing will work and i will never have to deal with the BS of love...so...yeah...but then the lonelyness when i come home from work and the longing to have someone there to make coming home or moreless living alot more happier...but i guess it is to much to ask......sides if things keep on going the way they are i will most likely get to pissed off when i am cuting myself and cut to deep.......i realy wish that happens soon thou......because the time i got raped just keeps poping up in my dreams so that does not give me much sleep....plus then with how ******** plus then my poems suck and all this other s**t...so yeah.....up i am....with the screamings of people dieing in my head ""told you i was ******** up"" not going away or if it is not the raping nightmares then it is ones of every one i care for dieing infront of me or me doing the killing...so...yeah that does not help much ether....plus then my friends allways trying to ""hook me up"" with some girl that does not help. but then me being bi does not help much ether. plus then the only relationships that moreless worked/work for me are ones that are over the internet...because i do not have my own computer and am to broke to buy one or pay for a phone bill for internet....or they do not have to hear me everyday bitching and moaning about how much i want to die.....so..yeah......