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Sometimes I Feel

There are times, seldom so, when I can feel again..
I feel the dark, well, lack of light
in an ever present numbness I call home.
Sometimes though, when my breath grows still,
when the lights go out and all my senses are cut off,
you come to me like an apparition.

I'll hold you close, remembering each curve of your body to mine.
feeling your breath, your sweet salty aroma sifting
through the layers of my confinement.
My domain shifts and I am no longer in my comfortable little hollow
of darkened dead dreams.

It's true though, oft I welcome the dark, the hollow shell
that I usually dwell within.
But now,
with you in my life
I'm beginning to feel again...

When our hold on eachother has been stripped away,
and we are forced to return to our seperate lives,
I feel myself sink deeper into my own emotionless pit.
Remembering the faint memories of what it is to feel....

I see people cry and feel the pains of life,
loss, anxiety, pity, such deep sorrows that I cannot comprehend.
Diction provides me the ability to "understand"
to "give compassion" to those who weep,
but only what I know as envy seems to fit what those fools mean to me.

I don't mind if I'm thrust a dirty look, dealt and unsavory hand
I can't mind, won't mind ever after unless you're there with me
holding my hand, arms wrapping around my shoulders,
giving me something tangible to rely on.

It's strange to say that I do not feel,
that oft I cannot feel.. and am so
envious when I can of those who feel daily...
Maybe, just maybe, with my hand in yours
I can start to feel again...