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What's The Matter?
Ok today i felt like crap. I was kinda tired but i pretended to have energy. someone around me didn't seem the same. So i felt like it was something i did. i know it probly has nothing to do with me but that's how i felt. after we had this program we were outside and i felt left out. i felt out of place. i felt like i was in the way like i didn't have a real place there. have you ever felt like that. like you just don't belong. you try to fit in but you end up screwing it up. so you just give up. i gave up and in a way shut everything out. i was told i looked sad and emo. things that would have gotten my attention didn't. i smiled twice when je used her hands to make me smile. i talked to vanessa and i told her what i felt. she said she always felt out of place. like she was only there becuase she had to and nothing more. i understood. 4th period i lightened up. char said nobody ever paid attention to her so it's not that bad. i felt sympathy for her. sara was trying to help me feel better but in the end my music lightened me up. i swear i need my music. singing to a song really helped me feel better. i talked with kim at lunch and felt better. i put my head on the table and was out of it. my friends barely said a sentence to me during lunch. ro said 'r u going to get lunch martha" i said no. becuz i didn't feel like eating. i just wanted to leave. just get up and walk so far that i faded from everyones memory. that's what i wanted. people around me in the seventh grade annoyed me. with their stupid childish anticts pissed me off. only selected people didn't annoy me. i didn't wish to watch a stupid student teacher basketball game. to be honest i hate basketball. i don't get it. i don't see the point. so kim and me went into the cafeteria and talked and ate candy. it was great! better than being in a crowded gym with a bunch of stupid smelly abnoxious kids. i had fun and afterward je and elani came to me and kim and we laughed a bit. i didn't feel so bad anymore. i felt ok. i felt content with myself and my life. it was okay. i don't know what was the matter but i thank god people didn't try to help me. only sara and kim and that was enough. now i'm okay and i'm actually okay with spring break. anyway thanx for reading. it's still only me. neutral
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