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*sigh* I'm going to write in this because I have nothing better to do... And if anyone decides to snoop around in my journal, I'd like to know about it. I don't care... This includes you Carmen. Quite frankly, as a matter of fact, I'd like to read this. Like you to know what you thought you wanted but you don't want. What is this I'm talking about? One, my life. You believe I have a nice, sweet, "bed of roses" as I recall you saying. Well I don't. If it wasn't for Elizabeth, I wouldn't talk to anybody. I have a very "Sasuke-like" mentally so to speak. My second grade year of school, all I heard was teasing from Kathryn and even Elizabeth. She finally decided to be friends with me, and then I got it from Brandon for stealing her best friend. I had already lost mine. Chaz was my best friend till he got held back in first grade. He had absolutely no desire to be my friend the next year because now he had boys to play with, who needed a girl? The girl's didn't like me. I was like a guy. The guys didn't really want me around either since I wasn't as good as them at sports. I ate lunch by myself that whole year. David was nice to me, and I remember one other person who was nice to me: Edward. He was like me... Everybody neglected him since he was a new kid and looked a little funny to them because of his big ears. (Which I, quite frankly, see nothing wrong with) By the end of the year, Elizabeth had became friends with me, and the rest of the girls hated me and didn't want me around. The next year, Alicia came. We kicked it right off. We both loved Pokemon, Digimon, Yugioh, and even had matching jackets! She was shy, much like myself, and was ignored by the girly-girls in our class. David played with the two of us. Edward too. I remember daring them to eat ice out of the mud puddles... And needless to say, they both did... Four grade: Nothing really eventfully happened. I continued to go at it with Kathryn and get teased about the way I dressed and looked. Believe it or not, I weigh less now than I probably did then, or about the same. I was over weight, and there's no way to deny it. That's why I never eat that much now...Fifth grade: Kael and Dillon came. Edward no longer had any need to play with me and Alicia since he now had Dillon and Kael. Elizabeth began to hang out with us more than Kathryn and the girly-girls. Fifth grade was probably the worst...Kathryn began to really aggravate me now... daily. She would make some sort of comment against me, I'd start yelling, I'd end up in trouble. I was known as the trouble child in Preschool, so it didn't bother me. My mom had even been told to get me tested. I believe they probably thought I was Bipolar, and even today I think I am. I was a sweet little girl one minute, and ready to attack someone the next. Kindergarten wasn't good to me either. I was locked in the closet on several occasions by this one girl. She would do things, and blame them on me, and I would get in trouble based on my reputation. Now, back to sixth grade: Kathryn left, and things went up from there. My school life got gradually better and better. I became good friends with Edward again, along with Kael and Dillon. My life was good. You (Carmen) come the next year. Edward attempts to kill himself. That's the only bad thing you've seen in my life. My life hasn't been as good to me as I pretend. I hide tears and a personality that almost prevents me from making friends from fear of getting hurt behind a smile and jokes. I'm like Naruto in a way. Edward's the same. That's why we relate so good to one either. And we have my second thing you wanted from me: Edward. He hides his personality behind his smile too. You said you didn't want your friends problems dumped on you. Sorry, but that's what I get from him. He tells me why he's upset, and a lot of times, I'd rather have not known. I found out in the second grade that his dad beat his mom. This year, at the begin of the year, his mom left his dad, but she came back. He wrote me letters all summer... I have ever one saved, except the ones my dad took... I assume that's what happened to them since he doesn't like Edward to begin with, and he wouldn't give me the letters when they came. The last two days, I haven't really talk to him. Yesterday, I kind of read and acted like I was upset about something, and I was. I'm clingy, I'll go ahead and attempt it. He had been acing like he liked Elizabeth for the last few weeks, and to say the least, I was jealous. Not mad at her, just jealous, and perhaps a bit mad to him. I beat myself up for being so upset about this guy that wasn't even my boyfriend liking another girl. I guess, in effect, that's what he is, but he's not officially. This went on for about a week or so I guess until yesterday, at which point I totally stopped talking to him after I spent Friday and Saturday talking to him off and on. It was on that ride home from the mountains Saturday that I finally decided to give up on him since he kept asking about how Elizabeth was doing as I was talking to him. I decided I would go back to that quiet, second grade self that did nothing but read. So that's how I acted Tuesday. Elizabeth decided she was going to resolve the whole matter, and ask Edward, but I told her she couldn't in PE, but she could later. Edward called her that night to see what was wrong with me and why I was upset. She told him I was just upset, and then she asked him if he liked her because that probably had something to do with it. Edward told her that he didn't like her and that I knew that. She told him I was still upset about Williamsburg. Then today, for which you weren't present because of literary meet, he made all attempt to talk to me all day long, but he couldn't. He start, but would freeze up and stop or say something to Elizabeth. Finally, on the way out to recess, I went to put the can tabs up, and Dillon locked me in Mr. B's room. That was fine with me since I was just going to read King of Hell at recess and I had it with me. I sat down in one of the desks, and started reading. Dill then opened the door, and turned the light off. Then me, being the obvious smart butt I am, went an sat in Mr. B's chair and read by his lamp. Edward, after a tussle with Dillon outside the door, managed to get in. I gave him after a two second glance before going back to my book. He stood behind me, and put his arms and head on the back of the chair and landed up next to me, reading over my shoulder. Then he asked me if I was ok, and I shrugged. Dillon and Elizabeth, meanwhile, we're fighting over the window, trying to watch. That made me laugh. I couldn't resist it. Edward laugh too, and said at least you're laughing now. I turned around and stared at him for a few awkward seconds, and had I not been in the dark I would have been blushing while he smiled at me. Finally, I got up and headed towards to door, saying we had to get out before Mr. Martell missed us. At recess as I read, he aggravated Sean. It was funny... He threw Sean over his shoulder, and started carrying him around. After school, I went down to the Kindergarten to help Mrs. Neel like I'm going to start doing some afternoons. Edward helps too, doing odd jobs like fixing the light and all while I'm being paid to watch the little kids who are on the playground. After a while, he came out and joined me. I was sitting in a chair while he sat on the black thing that held the wood chips, and he was just talking to me about the younger kids. But yeah... He's more trouble than he's worth... I say that, but I probably don't mean it. As Mr. Mann told me and Elizabeth at the auction in response to something we said about Edward and Dillon getting hit by a car as they went to get Dillon's football: "Some annoyances you just have to put up with to have the things you'd miss if you didn't have."
Well, I hope this clears things up! *big smile* But I don't know if I can talk to you face to face and not lose it. I'm still mad. Can't help it. I've tried to get over it, and I can't. I will, but not for a little while. You extremely PO me.....