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I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life yesterday... My friend was pushing me, shoving me etc and I just sort of... exploded. Usually writing letters to the person helps me vent, telling them how I feel etc. I usually don't send these... Well, guess what? I made the mistake of giving it to her in my blind rage.. Today, she wouldn't even talk to me. Her friends even said my letter made her cry.. I thought about apologizing but why should I apologize? Its not my fault, I know it sounds childish but honestly. Does a punching bag apologize to the owner? 'I'm sorry you hit me, please don't ignore me anymore' Its RIDICULOUS!! That's what I feel like, a punching bag. Like i'm only around for her to take out her frustrations on. She criticizes my every move then when I finally tell her it HURTS. She ******** flips out and acts like I'M the bad guy!!! I just sort of drifted through school today I know how bad that is.. Until lunch, me and my 'group' of friends sit at the same table, every day. Well I usually this friend of mine sits next to me, I sat down expecting things not to be any different just because me and Kelley were having a fued. I was wrong. She sat on the opposite end of the table and I as if it were a reflex, moved. I feel bad about it kind of now because it makes me look like I'm scared of her or somthing but I'm not... anyway, one of my friends was sitting at another table prolly to 'avoid tension' Well, I went over to sit with her b/c that 'group' as silly as it sounds, is the only one that I feel comfortable sitting with. She moved back with Kelley. It was then that I relized how little value I was to them. It's so very depressing... o.o Drifted through the rest of the day... (<<bad) My school has this think called 'fun night' once a month where you pay 3 dollers to stay after school appromiatly two hours in an enclosed part of the school. In that area there is a DJ, a basketball court, a table tennis torny, a DDR, a movie ECT. Well, Kelley tried to make up with me there and I kind of... Ran away o.o I dont know why... there was half of me that wanted to make up with her but a bigger part of me wanted to just leave her there; to show her my pain. Somone passed out too, there was an ambulance a fire truck and a police officer... ******** crazy...

Anyway, after I got home my dad told me Jesse called. I called him back and he told me he prolly wouldn't be able to go to the mall with me Jade and Steve this weekend (Him not going means Steve not going) I called Jade's house after word and apparently, she can't go eaither. My weekends are always so boaring... but alas, this has to be one of the worst days of my life Its like some sappy friendship drama book where a girls life is falling appart, her friends are leaving her, she becomes an outcasts. Except its real... and it's happening to me.