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Caution: This is, probably, my most emo entry yet. You were warned... sweatdrop

...but really. It already has. My life is being wroked down to a routine - as though I had no real life left.

I do, and I don't. My day runs around nothing. I only look forward to the clock telling me it's nine o'clock. That's it. I do enjoy seeing Jess once a day (twice is you count 10minutes in the morning), but still. Just waiting is all my life seems to be composed of.

Every week day:
I get up at 5am and shower. I piss around for 30minutes then check my email. Get, or miss, the bus. Sit at school and think about going home and nine o'clock. Wait some more... more thinking. Get to German class and talk with Jess for, what seems like, no time at all. Wait, think. Lunch time, time to talk to people that don't really like me sitting with them and talk. Slushie, food's overrated. Wait, think. Bus to home. Sit on the couch and don't move from it untill nine - seven hours of wait on the couch alone. Brief talks with random people - Jess, Susan, Corwin, Phil(god no-_-), everyone else whos name I didn't type. NINE! Yes, finally. It's home from work, but there's nothing there now. My wait and want for contact... it's dead. Quiet. 'Are you mad at me,' a commonly asked question by both to the other. 'No, just nothing to say.' Awkward silences and doubts of love. Why does this happen. I waited my day away to say nothing? Tiredness now. Sleep, but if I could I would stay in that awkward silence for hours. Just being there, with you, is enough. That's why I wait, isn't it? Just sitting... talking of nothing... it's enough...
...but I'm lying. It's never enough. I pine for true contact. You know, I sleep clinging to a pillow...

I line is already blurred. Everyday is the same as the one before. Tomorrow will be the same and so will the one after that. I don't think he realizes that when I say that he means everything to me, how true it is. ...Everything and only.

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