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So, for any of you who don't know by now, I'm writing this out so that I don't have to keep telling the same story over and over again.

Tuesday night, an old friend of mine, Jami Gross hung herself in her bedroom. Paramedics were called in and she was pronounced medically brain-dead later that night. I found out Wednsday when I arrived home and spent 3 hours at the hospital last night. Shes hooked up to a respirator and they're taking her off of life support later tonight. It could take her days to die off of life support or she could die right then, they don't know.

I played soft-ball with Jami, I've known her since I was 7 years old. She was so sweet, she was always smiling and laughing, everyone loved Jami. She had a wonderful boyfriend who she spent all week end with and a loving family. The reason for hanging herself is unknown, she left no note, which makes us think she had no real intention of dying in the first place. But according to the doctor, she had been hanging for at least 40 minutes before her mother found her.

I went to see her in her room last night, shes nothing like the Jami I remember. She was hooked up to the respirator, the iv, the monitor, there was a cloth over her eyes and they were keeping her on an ice bed to keep her cold so that her brain won't swell and do further damage. She was so cold. I held her hand and told her goodbye and I almost broke down in the room. I cried on Coach Ann's shoulder and I couldn't even look at Randi (Jami's mother). I was fine until I got home. I called Sammi back and I just....broke down. I still can't accept the fact that shes dead, her body may not be, but the Jami I knew is gone, and soon her body will be aswell. I couldn't handle it. I cried for an hour before I let Ban take over. She feels it too, but at least she knows how to keep from becoming hysterical. I don't know how I'm going to go to the funeral. Seeing so many old friends there, all of us struck dumb and sick because of it, not being able to talk because there is nothing left to say....She can't be gone....she just can't....not Jami, nothing could have shocked me more. I was prctically catatonic today in school....I couldn't even think on my own and Ban had to take over for me again and pretend to be normal and fine. I coldn't sleep last night either....I just kept seeing Jami hooked up to those machines and how cold her hand was....I almost didn't go today, I almost took Sammi's advice and stayed out of school, but I knew mom would never allow it. So Ban grinned and bore it like were expected to do and I somehow got through the day ok. But....God....

To Jami: I love you Jami, if it was anyone but you, I don't think I could have handled seeing what I did last night. I prayed for the first time in years, I prayed for you, even if I don't know if there is a God, I know that you believed in Him, so in memory of you, I did the same for just a minute. I can't believe your gone, and you will be missed by your friends, your family, and everyone who ever knew you. You effected so many lives in so many ways....We'll miss you Jami, and please, get safely to where your going. If there is a God, he could never send someone like you to Hell, I know that much is true.
♥

Tani