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Ok, I don't know why, but I'm seriously going through an anti-writing stage.
:/
Its killing me because I want to write and yet....I don't.
So, what alls been going on with me the past few weeks since home comming you say?....well....this will take alot of explaining....*sigh* so, here goes.
Shortly after homecomming, this guy my mom works with started calling around here alot. My mom hated it at first because she though it was annoying, yet their flirtation turned serious and my mom started seeing the guy. His name is Scott (yes, at the time she was still dating Brian aswell). Well, things get pretty serious and soon she starts looking for any excuse to dump Brian (her boyfriend of 10 years). She never would have done it if not for Scott, she didn't want to be "alone" so she had to wait until she had someone else before she dumped the one she was tired of. So now, all I hear if its not about Brian, its about Scott, how hes so thoughtful, so funny, so nice, and so much better than Brian who of course is unfeeling, stupid, and pathetic and who is by now drinking himself to death and on the verge of suicide because my mom was literally, all he had left. So now shes seeing Scott. She ended a 10 year relationship for this weirdo. Don't get me wrong, Scotts a nice guy and all, but he in all honesty, creeps me out a little bit too. Hes a complete and total smart-a** all of the time. I know I can be one to, but only when its needed, its not a constant thing for me like it is with him. I'm making an effort to like the guy, I really am, but its s**t like this that just makes me wanna move out of the house. Seriously, the one thing that pissed me off to no end was this: My mom has been promising me for years that we would take a weekend trip up to Charleston one year when we had the money. (We've had the money forever, but she still hasn't taken me). Then Scott offers to take her off for a weekend trip up to Charleston and my mom just picks up and whisks off without a ******** care in the world (thats why I was at Kasey's all weekend). Then tries to bribe me into talking to her again by getting me a nice gift from Charleston (I will admit, I like the bag, but still). Then Brian called her when she got back home and they had a row and my mom uses the excuse "What, I can't have a nice weekend in Charleston with my daughter without you calling me?!?" b.s., you have no idea how much that pissed me off Sunday. Seriously, anything this guy suggests, we have to do. He wants to go hiking, we plan to go hiking, he wants to go to Maine, we plan to go to Maine, he wants to go camping, then we start planning a camping trip, never mind the fact that I've been begging my mom to do all of this with me for years and she keeps putting it off with some bull s**t reason as to why we can't do it now, or how we don't have enough time. OK, I know I sound like a selfish b***h, but if you know what I've grown up in, you wouldn't say that. All its ever been in my life is mom and her boyfriend at the time. We can't do anything just the two of us unless its to spite her boyfriend or make him jealous and I'm ******** sick of it.
Ok, now, thats over, I have no current crushes. No one in this damn school appeals to me at all. They all piss me off to some extreme extent everyday and theres just no love left for any of them. I hate my lunch period, its nothing but a bunch of bitches and a**-holes outside and D acting like a whore inside. Which, by the way, her and Mack got back together again tonight. This time it really is forever.
rolleyes
I'll believe it when I see it.
My classes are hell, I have no one to talk to and I get ******** tired of sitting there all alone with nothing to do. My grades are ok, the only one that sucks is math, which....its math....of course its gonna suck. It always does. Mel tried to "kill herself" again 2 days ago. Good riddance, I know it sounds horrible, but I really wouldn't miss either her, or her ******** girlfriend if they both dissappeared tonight. I haven't been able to concentrate lately, I can't seem to form words or even a coherent sentence in under a minute. I'm tired, I'm bored, I'm frustrated, I need a break, I want to scream, and my hand ******** kills.
(I fell down my stairs and hit my hand on the banister and tore up my knuckles, I don't even bother asking questions any more). My mom was on the phone (like always) with Scott and so she didn't even bother asking me if I was alright until after she got off of the phone with him. Now, time for a greusome detail, she left right after I fell and I was pissed ok. Seriously, she leaves for his house at least twice a week and spends all night there (shes there right now as a matter of fact), and I was so pissed off I hit the door with my left hand. That was the hand that I had just split open remember. I hit it over and over again until I couldn't feel the throbbing in my hand or see the blood smeared on the door. This is my left hand, which I have never done anything remotely negligent to before in my life, so I really regretted it the next morning, but at the time, watching the blood run between my knuckles and feeling nothing of the pain gave me such a sick, twisted sense of pleasure, that all I could do was smile and lick the blood from my hand. So, yeah, falling was only the half of it. I did the rest myself. But, the scabs are starting to itch, I heal fast, so even if it leaves a scar (they always do), it'll be totally healed within a few more days.
So....yeah, this is why I haven't felt like writting anything lately. Its nothing but a jumbled up mess that I doubt I will ever look at again.
Kasey, Lauren, and I took her little sister (Kasey's little sister Jessie) and one of her friends trick-or-treating tonight, we "chaperoned" and I got around 2 bowls of candy, so I'm pretty happy about that, even if my mom was out having dinner with Scott while I was trick-or-treating. I was a panda this year. Everyone else in our group was wearing some kind of flowy dress and her I was in a white cut-off hoody, my panda ears from the smithsonian, a black long-sleeved shirt, black pants, black shoes, and make-up on my face.
>.>
Oh Yeah, I blended right in. Next year, I'm definitely going for a dress. If Lauren can Wear one, the so can I.
XP
So Ha!
*OMG, I have Endless Summer by Scooter and Coin-Operated Boy by The Dresden Dolls stuck in my head*
Quote of the Day: It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice. "Move Your a**"-Scooter
So....Happy Halloween....I suppose.
 redrum and wine · Wed Nov 01, 2006 @ 05:07am · 1 Comments |
