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okay well most of the people reading my blogs think that taking Roni back if it ever happens would be a bad idea. Well that's because I only put down the things that I have to straighten out in my head, which is always the bad stuff, never the good because I'm happy with how the good stuff is.

Well just being around her makes me happy, it's like my world is a brighter place when she's in it. That's really hit home after being down to Vancouver to see her, now that I'm back in Rupert it just seems so depressing and lonely. When she's happy I feel happy, and when she's sad or upset I feel like I've failed at the most important thing to me and I have to make her happy again. I am still deeply in love with her, and yes that can cause me pain, but I think it'd hurt more to not have her in my life at all, when I was doing that I felt kinda numb inside and most of the time when I was 'happy' it was me just pretending everything was okay. I know it's hard to understand but it does feel like she complete's me when she is around, she is my other half, we just seemed to be perfect for each other, which is why I am still happy when she is around me. It's when she's not around that reality hurts me badly, because then I remember how things really are. Basically she is like a light that touches my life only occassionally now, brightening the darkness that I feel has surrounded me. Yes sometimes the light hurts me, but it's better then never seeing where I am going. I don't know it's hard to explain, but I do still feel like she's the one for me, whether that is true or not only time will tell, but still I don't want anyone to think that she's pure evil, because she isn't, she's a good girl who's done some bad things, sometimes good people do bad things and they regret them for the rest of their lives. I know that she's suffering from all this as well, and I wish there was something I could do to help her through it. I guess I'll stop here, though I'm not sure I've made my point or not.
-Jamie