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A-Mind Underworld Jornal
Gothic Poetry Jornal
Sometimes
Its 1 31 am cant sleep yet again, thinking being out of a job id take some time to myself and try to relax and bring my body back to life, but no use i sit in the dark looking outside at the moon and stars shaking my head
and putting it between my hands, alone in this huge apartment i walk out to the patio and sit in the rocking chair and i tell myself i shouldnt have to go through this alone. of all things ,,, not alone..

Yes i cry still at night hugging my pillow or myself trying to control the pain i feel ,, the void i cannot seem to fill
no one will do no one will try and i dont let them. they get close i turn away. i think i would rather watch from the side lines and take a chance to hurt more yes its crasy foolish maybe even childish but if there is one thing my son has tought me in this life is this "Mom dont settle, dont settle for anything less then your worth and to me your worth alot" from the mouth of a 13 year old who is wiser then me.

Sad really when you look in the eyes of your child and see something older that resides there.

so i stay up night after night pacing and thinking and feeling so alone. i know its nuts and im willing to bet not alot of ppl read this other wise they would call me crazy i wouldnt blame them. you can only survive so long alone and trying to be this hard a** b***h angry and tired before someone catches you up on that and
sees something else in you. but its the only place i can talk about anything and not give a phuck of the outcome. sometimes you have to say things to give room in your head so it can think other wise it gets cluttered and you you find yourself in a maze of thoughts and dreams and many other things.

but the morning comes feeling as alone as i did before and i get through the day like all the others with this ever so small glimer of hope that i wont be alone for ever and my life will go on as planned no matter how long it is..


perhaps being human is something we cant stop
but feeling we can but at what price?





 
 
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