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CAUTION: This goes from 'normal' to emo s**t really fast. I advise against reading this- have you getten this far.

Well as most of you(o_O; I know, no one reads this really... at all. Me maybe? xp ) know I went to my friends house yesterday for a party. Not really that much of a party, more like just a sleep over. We watched movies and listened to CDs. I brought over my new Rammstein DVDs 'cause I had to have my friend see how much of a douche Till looks like wearing foam padding for sleeves. Gah.(I must say that Richard and were looking quite nice.) Anyway... somehow I managed to lose my new 'Lichtspielhaus' DVD. GAHHHH!
The move 'The Man Who Fell To Earth' with David Bowie is pretty interesting. Old, odd and ...odd, but interesting. xp Bowie's hair in that is amazing. I've never seen hair like before... ever. It looked to awesome. sweatdrop
-thinks about adding more of party- nope.

I also have new worries questioning my sanity. I think if some I liked cared about me enough and loved me I would love them too. Man or woman... I think I have some horrible insecurity with myself. I need someone to make me happy and not treat me like s**t. I wish that for once someone's hug wasn't meaningless.
...but I think my biggest fear is being alone. I know how damn lame and emo this sounds but it's just how I fell.
Sometimes I wish I was completely ignorant of how mean the people are around me to me. I mean some of them, not all. My closest friend... she just isn't nice to me at all. It's the same thing with a bunch of my other friends too. There's always people saying to get better friends, aren't there? Get better friends... what a ******** stupid thing to say. Maybe they can, maybe they have no problem making new friends and just walking away from others, but I can't. I've tried it multiple times, but I can't. It's like I'm submissive in life or some unbelievable stupid thing along those lines. I know that when I get into 'the real world'[pfft] I'll end up probably dying of some disease/ accident that no really cares about or might as well be dead. See, my life is quickly going nowhere. I'm killing my grades because of my own laziness. I guess I don't care. I have no career track and I've nothing good for me going. I don't have a job preference and with my grades anything I would like is quickly flying down the shitter. And, apparently, I don't care.

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