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Since I deleted my most recent post, it keeps coming up with an error message, so I'm going to type up something. Actually, the reasoning for my deleting my most recent post is a topic I'd like to pursue, so lets.

Sometimes I think I'm too nice online. I think that, in a way, it's a transference of how shy I am; Online, it's kind of hard to be as uber-shy as I am in person, unless I decided to become a professional lurker. xd So I think that, in the same veins, I'm very very careful about what I say and do online. I don't like to insult people, I lean away from cursing and adult topics, typically, etc. The reason I took down my last post is that it was a rant against a very specific person for no better reason than that he got on my nerves, and someone made me realize that It was a little too much.

But why? I mean, this is a journal. It's where you put things like that. Sure, it's in the public domain, and he could've just clicked my profile and read it himself, but so what? If he does that, big deal, his problem.

But I do worry. I don't want to hurt people's feelings, no matter who they are or how annoying they are. Which is a pretty wimpy way to be, honestly. I mean, how manly is that? "I don't want to hurt their pwecious -feewings-!" sweatdrop

I dunno. It bothers me. I mean, that sounds bad too. I don't have anything wrong with not wanting to hurt people. But... Everything I said was the truth, and I needed to say it. So if he got hurt by it, so what? Maybe he'd learn a lesson. Maybe he'd realize that he's not all that and whatnot. In that, way maybe I'd be helping him more than hurting him.

Bah. I hate being wimpy. But it's who I am, and I can't seem to change it, much as I try. In person, I don't even talk to people, if I can help it. I've made a grand total of one friend here on my own. I didn't even make friends with my roommates, really. I mean, we've all gotten along, and if I wasn't so damn shy, I'm sure I could've been friends with all of them, but I am shy. In my current dorm, I hide in my room all the time, because we each have individual rooms with a shared common area. Same last semester. The semester before that, I hid behind the little partition, at my computer all the time.

I made friends with a few people that my friend introduced me to, but most of them have stopped really being friends, I guess. One of them started avoiding me for no really good reason. I found out later that she was avoiding me for a stupid reason; That I complain and procrastinate too much. Which, ironically, describes her better then me. And then my other friends either moved away or just grew distant.

Eric, who had been my friend before I came here, I met in Civil Air Patrol, and that's the only reason we became friends. Because we were both in that organization together, and we sort of had to interact.

If I could only find some sort of organization like that for adults... I don't know. Maybe it would help. Maybe it wouldn't.


I honestly think that the main reason I have trouble making friends is that I think too much. I don't do things on impulse very often, especially not things involving other people. I take forever to figure out exactly how to go about it, and then I chicken out because I'm shy.

Blah. End transmission. -.-