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May 29, 2006
Last night was awful. I never got Kaz to talk to me, and I went to bed and kept waking up with a headache. I finally took an asprin but ended up waking up again in the morning. I got online and then finally went back to sleep. I woke up again, went to check the computer, and right when I did Kaz got on and I IMed him. I thought he would have calmed down by then or something, but he still wouldn't talk to me. I tried to call him because I wanted to make up to him what I was supposed to do yesterday on the phone but he wouldn't answer. I don't know what to do anymore. I've been miserable all day. Mostly I just went back and forth, from the computer then lieing down on my bed and back. I don't know what to do with myself. I got Kaz to talk a little, but then he went away and never talked again, even after he came back. He won't even send anymore of the anime he had been sending me, which he'd wanted me to watch so much, so now I'll never know what happens in the rest of it. And he made a chat without me, and invited everyone except me and told them not to let me in. They finally let me in but wouldn't talk for a while, and then I asked Jenna what was going on, because I was surprised she would be in there when Kaz had acted mad at her last night. I don't think he let her in though. I don't really know. None of it really made much sense. And of course people said things and made up things that made even less sense. Jon gave Jenna some porn links and she sent them to me, and I clicked on them to see what the heck they were, because she said everyone had been looking at porn. My mom found out about it and told her mom and she got in trouble, and my mom was mad at me for letting this happen, even though I didn't, since I wasn't even invited to the chat at first. I'd already been kind of worried because they'd been saying all these things to her and I just felt like it was a bit much. If her mom knew I know she wouldn't be happy about it. I guess I kind of feel responsible since I'm the one that let her in the chats at first. It turned out she hadn't looked at the porn and I don't think she's in too much trouble, she was able to call me so that's good, I asked her what happened and everything. I appologized about what happened last night too. I just don't know what to do about Kaz anymore. I'm scared he'll never talk to me again, and I'm going to feel awful forever. I wish that he'd at least let me make it up to him, I would do it this time, I really would.
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