Well, this is one of the last days of Spring Break, yipee for me. I've had lots of fun.
rolleyes I got invited to another poetry contest, its in Las Vegas this time, the 1st place prize being $20, 000 and a $10, 000 publishing deal. Once again, I can't go, its this summer, July 14th, to be exact, and I'm in the top 10 to contestants. They're giving out 20 prizes, none less than $5, 000 and scholarships out the a**. Yet again, something that could be potentially life-altering and I get to miss out. You know what my mom said when I told her that another of my poems was being published?!? "Oh, cool." those were her words exactly! She's never even asked to see my poems or my art work, I had the chance a few years ago to go to art school! School! All through highschool, almost fully paid for! But what do I get? "Well, we can't really afford it"....it was $500 a year mom! I'm so tired of every time I accomplish something, never getting even the slightest compliment for it! She only focuses on what I do wrong, like not washing the dishes, or cleaning the house, or not making A's and B's on my report card! Why can she never congratulate me on anything that I do right?!?
Everytime I show her something I've drawn or written, I get a nod, some noncommittal comment like "good job" or "Thats nice" before she goes back to watching T.V. or reading her magazine, or talking to her boyfriend! I'm so sick of her, especially of her threatening to get rid of Simon because he peed on her bed again. Does she know how many times Sophie went on mine?!? Not to mention the times I didn't tell her about, just because I didn't want her getting rid of
MY dog?!?
So yeah, I'm pretty pissed off right now. I've been bitchy to my friends, not answering Cari's phone calls, growling at everyone, and I'm on my period too, which makes it oh so much easier to bear! Now to top it all off, one of my best friends is almost defintely going to a different school next year. I always thought it would be the four of us at graduation too, you know, Me, Lauren, Kasey, and Sammi. But thats gone now too. How come every time I move, my friends stay behind, yet for once when I actually get to stay at one house for more that a year, all of my friends move?!?
Kasey moved, Lauren moved, Sammi's leaving our school. Can I not win?!? To top it all off, A.J., my distraction across the way, is now gone, living on the Furman Campus with his roomie Dantel. He left me a nice hickey to remember him by though. What a lovely gesture, its already fading. Damn b*****d, kissing me for the first time before leaving for good. ******** pot head. God Dammit! Now I'm crying again! I'm too ******** emotional right now to be safe around a computer. I need a drink, I need a cigarette, I need something to calm my nerves down before I go ******** AWOL and split out of here for good. Gods I can't wait until I can leave this hell and dissappear. Thats all I wanna do anymore is dissappear it seems. Now its comming time to distance myself from Sammi so that it wont hurt as bad when she leaves, god knows she never calls now, let alone when she has no incentive to, time for me to go clothes shopping for spring again, which I hate because I can't stand shorts, time for me to prepare for another boring a** summer with nothing to do other than listen to my cousin, who looks so much better than me, talk about her perfect boyfriend and her god-damn perfect family, and time for me to get a job.
My life seems to be going so well. Its awonder I haven't died of joy.
Lauren and I went to the mall today and I got a nice poster, which my mother has some kind of problem with and found a pair of shoes I'm going back for this weekend. I found an ok tee too, but it was preppy, Hollister fit, so I didn't get it, I don't like my shirts form fitting like that. I need a new bathing suit too, my old one looks shabby from all of the washes and pools its been through. I can find no socks anymore....all of them are gone and I don't know where. I think I'm starving myself. I havent really eaten at all over break, just bits of dinner every night, but nothing else, and today when we went to the mall and got lunch, I could barely even finish half of it without feeling sick. I hardly ever eat anymore, school lunch does me in for the day. I eat lunch, then no dinner, or I eat dinner, and little lunch. Why am I still this size then? My mom packs away food like its going out of style and she weighs 90lbs. I hardly eat at all and I'm...well....over that.
>.>
Maybe theres something wrong with my metabolism.
Another thing to add to my list of woes.
So, i guess I'm done brooding now, talk to you guys later.
Quote of the Day: If the world didn't suck, you'd fall off.
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