Ever figured out why I am the way I am?
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Ever wondered where I got to where I am?
I'm a JOCK. It was bound to happen.
It’s not as if she was transparent. It was simply common sense. The way she carried herself, the way she spoke, the way she acted and how she looked. He knew there was more than she let on, especially after she spoke about how she was sent here after her mother died. He knew it was more than that, if that wasn’t even the truth. As sure as he was, who was he to pry about it? He was the epitome of every bad man in this world because of how he allowed himself to mutate into. Some kind of monster, enjoying people’s pain at their expense, feeling nothing towards it but some kind of gratification, so long as he was the one who was it he spotlight. Nothing else mattered. The more he looked back on it, the more he thought about it in that moment and like during the entire plane ride over, he hated himself even more. He hated who he was and wanted nothing more to change but it was easier said than done. When a person has certain habits and qualities for the majority of their life, it’s difficult to break out of them and become something else. As much as he strived to be someone else, to maybe change, sometimes it was necessary to face the dark and ugly truth that not everyone would be lucky. Perhaps he would never be one of the lucky few whose life took a positive turn, but if he only had these three months to live, he’d want to spend it, turning her life around in a positive way. She wasn’t a charity case. She intrigued him and given that so far she was the only girl whom he did not want to use for his own gain that had to count for something, yes? Ollie was spending this time away as if it was his last three months. It’s not like he planned on causing any bodily harm to himself or planned to take his own life. Putting a time limit on something tends to put things into perspective, and so far he was seeing things differently, far more differently.
At his school, he was never around people like her, who dealt with internal pain; difficulties that may stop them from wanting to live their own life, difficulties that didn’t make it worth continuing on. At his school, he was so self involved. He was the golden boy. Why would he want to pay attention to anyone else? But Lucy, she was different. He could see her, he wanted to try to see her and yes, someone like her may have to be handled delicately, but at the same time, he didn’t believe she was porcelain doll, that with one accidental fatal drop, she’d shatter into a million pieces. He liked to believe that every person had their own strength. Even if she had to deal with things on her own since such a young age, somewhere deep down even the darkest person lay a strength they did not know. Why do I care so much? What about her, makes me want to care even the slightest? Even he was beside himself with how he was acting. It just seemed like the worst thing to do to not care, to not have a vested interest in genuinely being apart of someone’s life in that way.
Ollie craved so much to do more. The past six months have been a great reflection. He knew his flaws, he knew his sins, and he knew his vices. While he was still in denial about saying it out loud, he admitted it to himself a long time ago. He wouldn’t admit it to someone else, but he admitted it to himself so long ago. He had the choice to make a change to his down spiraled life. It was now or never. He was choosing now. After all, he could only guess what kind of person she saw him as. It was the same guy he saw himself as, the same guy he was known to be, the same guy he truly was. Using girls, relating them as trophies and a prize, nothing more. Treating everyone around him like they were vapor, or even worse. He was a combination of that mean jock and that mean girl in school, thinking people like her were a waste of yearbook space and life itself. He honestly was. Six months of reflection after losing everything and anything he had worked so hard for would put things into perspective. He wasn’t depressed per se but neither was he at all happy. His family wasn’t proud of him and they feared him. He managed to alienate everybody, and here was in the Caribbean finding it so difficult to talk to a girl for he was so afraid to say the wrong thing. For once, he didn’t want to hurt anyone. He genuinely wanted to heal.
At his school, he was never around people like her, who dealt with internal pain; difficulties that may stop them from wanting to live their own life, difficulties that didn’t make it worth continuing on. At his school, he was so self involved. He was the golden boy. Why would he want to pay attention to anyone else? But Lucy, she was different. He could see her, he wanted to try to see her and yes, someone like her may have to be handled delicately, but at the same time, he didn’t believe she was porcelain doll, that with one accidental fatal drop, she’d shatter into a million pieces. He liked to believe that every person had their own strength. Even if she had to deal with things on her own since such a young age, somewhere deep down even the darkest person lay a strength they did not know. Why do I care so much? What about her, makes me want to care even the slightest? Even he was beside himself with how he was acting. It just seemed like the worst thing to do to not care, to not have a vested interest in genuinely being apart of someone’s life in that way.
Ollie craved so much to do more. The past six months have been a great reflection. He knew his flaws, he knew his sins, and he knew his vices. While he was still in denial about saying it out loud, he admitted it to himself a long time ago. He wouldn’t admit it to someone else, but he admitted it to himself so long ago. He had the choice to make a change to his down spiraled life. It was now or never. He was choosing now. After all, he could only guess what kind of person she saw him as. It was the same guy he saw himself as, the same guy he was known to be, the same guy he truly was. Using girls, relating them as trophies and a prize, nothing more. Treating everyone around him like they were vapor, or even worse. He was a combination of that mean jock and that mean girl in school, thinking people like her were a waste of yearbook space and life itself. He honestly was. Six months of reflection after losing everything and anything he had worked so hard for would put things into perspective. He wasn’t depressed per se but neither was he at all happy. His family wasn’t proud of him and they feared him. He managed to alienate everybody, and here was in the Caribbean finding it so difficult to talk to a girl for he was so afraid to say the wrong thing. For once, he didn’t want to hurt anyone. He genuinely wanted to heal.
”Maybe you shouldn’t have to.” Someone should have been there. He always had someone there for him, but he did he appreciate it, no? She deserves someone to have been there for her, someone to trust. Now, he’s not saying it should be him. He was stepping up to the plate though, ready to bat a home run for her sake. He didn’t know why. Something was telling him he had to. Otherwise he would never live with himself peacefully, should something happen to her. It was only then, that he noticed she had started to cry. It put him in a very awkward position because he didn’t wan to call her out on it because she probably wouldn’t want that and he wouldn’t know what to say. His eyes said it for him, because they never once left the sight of her. It’s like they were planted, glued, forever stuck. He wanted to know good things. He wanted to know kindness, chivalry. He didn’t want to know the bad he knew of.
Peeling his eyes away from her, he looked to the side, distracted in his own thoughts at the moment. He stared off into the distance, honestly looking troubled. It’s not like he ever raped a girl, beat a girl, or tortured a girl. He did however make plenty of girls feel less than their true worth and since he was expelled, he was thinking he could never make up for it. The very thought disturbed him. How he acted around his guy friends and how he degraded women. He wasn’t proud of that, that’s for sure but it still happened because he was simply too proud in general. Even now he had a hard time swallowing his ego.
Something pulled him out though. Something pulled him out of this daze he was in because he found himself turning his head back in Lucy’s direction. Now he really could not take his eyes off of her. That voice; such a beautiful voice he thought. When he watched her sing, it was like he was seeing a different side to her and he felt this feeling of honor that he was being able to witness it, among the other two fellas. He took a step in her direction but not one so pervading and he just watched her. Words couldn’t being to express the thoughts going through his head, each and every single one of them about her. What was this? What is this? he thought, a string of confusion running through him for he had no idea what to think. It was a new feeling, one he never one felt. Until now.
”That voice…I-I…I can’t begin to explain.” He began. Though the moment he said it, he was sure it would have been taken in the wrong way. ”That is, I mean, it’s one of those voices through which beauty prevails.” He didn’t know what was overcoming him. He felt like William Shakespeare had possessed his body. He felt the need to be the guy every girl would dream of; the kind of guy repenting his sins and starting anew.
s**t, the air in the Caribbean has some crazy love spell added to it.
Peeling his eyes away from her, he looked to the side, distracted in his own thoughts at the moment. He stared off into the distance, honestly looking troubled. It’s not like he ever raped a girl, beat a girl, or tortured a girl. He did however make plenty of girls feel less than their true worth and since he was expelled, he was thinking he could never make up for it. The very thought disturbed him. How he acted around his guy friends and how he degraded women. He wasn’t proud of that, that’s for sure but it still happened because he was simply too proud in general. Even now he had a hard time swallowing his ego.
Something pulled him out though. Something pulled him out of this daze he was in because he found himself turning his head back in Lucy’s direction. Now he really could not take his eyes off of her. That voice; such a beautiful voice he thought. When he watched her sing, it was like he was seeing a different side to her and he felt this feeling of honor that he was being able to witness it, among the other two fellas. He took a step in her direction but not one so pervading and he just watched her. Words couldn’t being to express the thoughts going through his head, each and every single one of them about her. What was this? What is this? he thought, a string of confusion running through him for he had no idea what to think. It was a new feeling, one he never one felt. Until now.
”That voice…I-I…I can’t begin to explain.” He began. Though the moment he said it, he was sure it would have been taken in the wrong way. ”That is, I mean, it’s one of those voices through which beauty prevails.” He didn’t know what was overcoming him. He felt like William Shakespeare had possessed his body. He felt the need to be the guy every girl would dream of; the kind of guy repenting his sins and starting anew.
s**t, the air in the Caribbean has some crazy love spell added to it.
