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He says he loves me
and I know it is true.
Inwardly, I sigh.
He looks at me with such eyes of love
and holds me like I'm a precious jewel.
This kind of blind loving
and devotion that almost burns the heart;
I've always been waiting for that kind of love.
Only, now that it's right in front of me,
it's not enough.
I not only don't see him as anything more than a friend
but I love someone else.
I care about him
and it would hurt him to say no
and it was hurting him when I didn't say anything
so I was going to give up my happiness
so he could be happy
and I said yes.
I was going to sacrifice my heart for my fake smile
that could make him smile from the bottom of his heart.
I was going to
but........
an old love came by
and at first, it was just being friends.
I was trying not to notice his glances and the way he held me
but someone had to point it out
and tell me that he loved me.
If you know anything about me,
you know that I didn't believe it at first.
But as minutes passed,
I sank into a knowing agony.
I knew they were right
and I knew that I liked them
and I knew who my heart had chosen
and I knew that I would have to hurt my boyfriend,
the man who i don't love.
Soon, I let him know that I loved him
and heard him say that he loves me.
When I heard that
I wasn't expecting these feelings.
I was expecting guilt and sorrow to overwhelm me
but instead
those feelings
were insignificant to the storm of happiness that filled me.
In those few seconds it took for him to say those words
my heart went from feeling worry, sorrow, pain and regret
to feeling sublime happiness and pure......pure......i don't know what to call it.
But those words made me float after being dragged down into a sea of pain.
The only reason I didn't reach paradise was......
the one I would have to hurt when I left him behind.
Because I was going to try to give up my happiness for him
but I couldn't.
Hurting him would be my greatest regret.
I'm betting everything on a man who makes me feel a flow with happiness.
He could make me fall lower than ever before in my life
and I'd be left with nothing.
However,
I would not hold regrets
because I leaped
feeling the happiness fly by like the wind against your cheeks
and I would have known love.
Love that blotted out all, ALL, old feelings.
I know it will hurt.
I know it will almost kill me.
I know it is stupid.
But.......
Love has nothing to do with logic and reasoning.
It never makes any sense
and that is what makes it so divine.