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Quote of the day:
If I were a drug, I would be heroine;
Expensive, highly addictive, and I give you crazy hallucinations.
xd
I must say, this has been one of the best weeks ever!!!!!!!
aside form Valentine's day, it was excellent!
(I'm still sulking over the fact that I didn't get a valentine)
But, anyway, Thursday I got an e-mail from Nigel Whittney (sp?), editor of noble house publishing in the U.K. asking for permission to publish one of my poems in their up-comming poetry book in London!!!!!!
I'm soooo excited!!!!!!
Thats three poems that I've had published so far!!!!
One step closer to my dream of being a writer!!!!
whee
*does a dance and looks like a reject*
Then, on friday, I got my first two college recruitment letters!
One from King College in Bristol, Tennessee and the other from Winthrop in Rockhill, SC.
The only problem is that I have no earthly idea as to how I'm going to pay for college.
Being from a very poor family of the lower class, and now being from a family of the middle middle class ((not low middle class or high middle class, but middle middle class)) and we barely have enough money to afford school lunch at the moment because my mom changed jobs and is making like 12 grand less a year. But she had to quit her other job because they were going to take away her over time and she would have lost about 15 grand a year. So now were hoping that we can balance off everything while still keeping up our rent, car payment, gas, and food bills while still paying off our loan and our credit cards.
So, now were basically just trying to stay afloat without having to move or anything.
So I'm really going to have to get a job as soon as I can so that I can help to pay for college.
I also might have to start going and seeing my father again. Because if I do,then he'll start paying his child support again and that would really help us out....so...even if I don't wanna do it, I'll suck it up and do it for us. Because the only thing I have going for me now is maybe a sports scholarship for lacrosse and that might not happen because caoch has started benching me because shes pissed off at me and wants to make me pay for it by sitting out on the side lines. I don't play an instrument (or at least one that I could get a scholaship for), my voice is really lacking, and my art...well....lets just say my talent is on hiatus until i get my bondage pants back....
So, I'm basically in the biggest rut ever!
None of my other friends really have to worry about it. Kasey has rich grandparents who'll put her through, or at least pay for half, lauren is just going to tech college, so it'll be easy to get a loan, D is probably going to go on a music scholarship and if she dosn't get one, her family has some decent money, parker is....well....parker, and sammi, even if her grades suck a**, isn't exactly hurting for money. Her mom can afford to send her to college and not think twice about it. <--she has told me this.
Why did I get the short straw goddammit!!!!
I know I've said it before, but its really not fair.
Why did I get the abusive father and the mother who has panick attacks?
Why did I get to be borne into a family that lived in a trailer in travelers rest?
Why did I have to get the s**t knocked outta me for no reason what so ever?!?
Why did i have to be the one whose house burnt down?!?
Why did I get to be the one who moved 16 times?!?
Why do I get to be the introvert who has self-destructive habits and destroys her future because she dosn't feel like she deserves one?!?
DAMN IT!!!!!
*sigh*
Sorry, I felt like I just had to get that off of my chest for a second there....
Theres always an underlying anger to my happiness it seems.
>.>
I need sex.
Thats the end all cure all for me.
((its an anger release thing....))
I think thats why im so sadistic....
But, yeah, I'm still sticking with the whole, this is one of the best weeks ever thing.
Because, even with all of the anger and worry, Its still better than most weeks for me....meaning that theres been alot less trouble or stress than there usually is. Theres also been alot more tension betwen my mom and me though lately. Its cause were both stressed I guess.
So, yeah, Bye!
I gotta get to bed.
-Tani
 redrum and wine · Mon Feb 20, 2006 @ 05:03am · 1 Comments |
