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Yes. I am both of those things. Over the past month my HR group has had incredible difficulties in getting in contact with my references (something that I had originally blamed on my references before getting in contact with them and finding out that they had never received the mail from my HR group). It seems that finally the mail got through to them on Friday and they sent back their responses, but this was too little too late for it to effect my chances of getting the job offer that was brought up earlier that week. This means it'll likely be another two weeks before I get another job offer from them that they mention might be good for me, and since I wasn't able to get in contact with the lady in charge of my file I couldn't find out if they had actually received word from my references,or if this was the continuation of a terrible game of e-mail tag and no one was talking to anyone because that would be convenient for me.

I continue to apply to at least one job off of the internet classifieds a week, nothing has come up from that, and really, I'm getting tired of writing cover letters for job offers that I'm never even going to hear from.

I spent my day doing a lot of nothing, and waiting for someone to come on, because she said that she'd be on for most of the day. She didn't come on until around my dinner time, we both got a post in on our game, and then she decided to take a nap, but truly I'm sure that the inspiration was that she was chatting up someone who she liked more than me. No real surprise there, and I'm not sure why it hurt so much. In any case, she said that her nap would be over around 45 minutes ago, but she still hasn't come back, which means either she overslept or she just isn't coming back.

I have a headache, just like I had yesterday. The two open missions I have on S4 this week involve me being far more awesome than I actually am. My dog chewed through the audio cable that lets audio play off my laptop on my stereo, but I was able to repair it by salvaging parts. My iPod seems to have developed a bit of a flaky harddrive problem when I charge it from the wall instead of from my laptop. My genius plan to update the firmware on my cellphone which didn't come with a usb cable failed. I can't find my sketchbook. My mom has almost certainly forgotten that she owes me a hundred bucks from Christmas which I was going to use for an anime convention.

In truth, I just want to rant and rave and get all of this s**t out, but I'm not sure what to say. "Oh no, I'm a sad and frustrated because nothing is working out the way I wanted it to. I'm going to go cut myself in my emo corner and listen to linkin' park while reading about vampires that ******** sparkle in the daylight."

That is probably the most sickening thing. I want to do s**t like flip tables and have a tantrum and really my journal is the perfect place to do that, since no one reads it anyway, and still I'm not going to do it, because even I think that it's pretentious and shallow since I know that the only person who cares about my problems is me. I want to cry and scream and just blow up, but I can't do it because I know it's retarded and I keep expecting someone to wander in, read this and be all "suck it up, f**-tard. QQ more."

In the end I feel like all of this time that I'm spending trying to get a job and all of that is just more wasted time, time that I'm not going to get back and that I could be using to do better things. I feel like I'm just taking up space when I should be achieving something. I'm not even going to school anymore. I am just wasting my time sitting around my house and taking care of my dog (who I'm sure loves me for all of the time she gets to spend with me) and really I wish there was more that I was doing, like going out and meeting people, and spending time in the real world.

Blue - Signing out.