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Sometimes I wonder why I believe that after everything that happened before cleared up and I could live a happy TEEN life, it always gets flushed down the toliet. First my parents get divorced
Second, I live with a cruel friggen step dad (which I must admit has gotten better)
Three, my first guinea pig passes away... Oldest living guinea pig: RIP BOOTS crying
Four, My ******** heartless Xbf now breaks up with me because he's infactuated with another creature.
Five... Sidlina passes away.

My guinea pig, and the father of Calli's baby's has passed away. I wasn't paying attention when I bought her because I was so amazed by the way she looked, I hadn't noticed that she was depressed before I bought her... She never ate anything, he never did anything, and even when Calli would nudge him, he wouldn't do anything. It's sad really. I wish I could've seen him before I came to Cape Cod. Now I hate myself and I'm depressed more than ever... And I haven't been this depressed since Boots passed away and my Xbf broke up with me. I was wrecked. I mean he broke up with me a week after Boots moved on. Thats one reason why I write Emo/Goth poetry. Well, I was emo... I mean, I did cut myself until I realized it didn't do anything and it just put me in a hell of more pain than I was going through.
The worse thing is that she was only 3 weeks old. My mother said that she might be able to live, but the chances are completely slim. I don't even know what to think right now. I want to be happy, but it's impossible. Beyond impossible, excuse me.
But here's a poem for him.

You're nose nuzzeling against
my chin, and Calli chewing
on a piece of carrot, trying to steal the attention
you recieved. I love you so much,
I would pick you
up, and hold Calli close to you
so you could see you're wife.
I had to laugh, you were so amazing.
Now, I'm lost.
What did I do
wrong?

I'm so caught up
in life's drama, that all I want
to do is take my life
right now and be with you forever.
It's all my fault, isn't it?
I hate myself.
And I'll never
forget you...

I miss your crazy
fur, you looked like
a mop, as my mother
said. You were so adorable,
runing away from Calli, the
monster.
When I held you and Calli in
my lap, I felt
like a mother. Because I
loved you so much...

I know that I do not
want children,
they drive me insane, but I know
that I would have taken you as a real
human child any day. Because that's
how much I appreciated you
and loved you..
I would've been proud to
say that you got my baby guinea
girl pregnet.
I love you so
so so.

I hope you forgive me...
wherever you are...
I miss you.

Dedicated to SIDlina. Goodbye. emo