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I can't trust the same people anymore, I feel so bad, I've been crying my heart out because someone's been breaking it.

My god what have I done to deserve this...

I must have screwed up so bad in a past life or somewhere.

I just... I can't trust anymore. And yet I still love them, I love them so much, but I can't trust them. What kind of love is that?

They've apologized, they've begged me, but... When they say they love me, I still don't believe them. But I reassure them, I love them. And I can't stop loving them. And I never will stop loving them.

I am so comfortable with them, I am so safe with them, and yet

What kind of love is it that I can't trust them?

I love them. I love them so much

But look at what they've DONE.

I KNEW they were lying to me all this time, I just ignored it, I always caught him in little lies, even the tiniest, and I ignored it.

I should have stopped trusting him the first time he told a white lie to me, the very first time, but I didn't. I just kept telling myself, "He won't do it again, he'll be honest,"

I told him in a letter he was genuine.

He isn't as genuine as I thought.

This is hurting me so badly, he's apologized over and over, and I'm still crying three days after it all. I'm crying and I'm screaming at myself and I want to die.

My heart is in pain, and I'm not even joking. It hurts so bad, my chest is so tight.

He said his heart hurts too

I couldn't help but think, "Yeah, but not because you're hurting me."

Oh god I just.... I can't stop crying.

This is just the levee breaking, all of that pain has been there, all of it. He just put the topper on and it's overflowed.

I don't think he even realizes what he's doing to me

Billy. I love you. I just want you to grow up, please. Please grow up. Please see the people who are RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.

I've ALWAYS been there.

I always have.

I may not physically be there

But I'm here and you don't seem to even care