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Some of you may remember about a month ago I wrote a journal entry titled "Unromanced" I should change my journal settings so that they display by the name rather than the date so that they would be easier for me to find them. In any case, I'm sure some of you...or rather, none of you, since no one reads my journal any more, may have noticed my comments about the secret number 10, and that there may have still been hope, and then I came up with journal entries like "Always second best" where I pretty much sat in my emo corner and cried.

I have made a decision. I actually made the decision earlier, that number 10 is not someone who I can hold out hope for.

The reason for this is because I really will always be second best to her. She will deny it, but she constantly manages to prove it. She tries to pretend that I am special, and that she wants to be with me, but then she turns and talks about other things, like her first love, or her current boyfriend who she tells me she is on the outs with, but I guess she isn't after all.

In any case, I don't feel like being played like a video game anymore, so I have decided to stop holding out hope for her and either look for something else entirely, or just give up on the idea of finding romance and just let it find me.

In any case, what this means is that I am going to have some fun with my last year living where I'm living and going to school where I'm going to school. I'm going to enjoy it and then when I move and go somewhere else, I am going to do my best to have fun and enjoy some stuff there too, because she keeps proving to me that she is having fun without me, and I think it is just about time that I started having some fun of my own.