Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

ok this entry is a depressed emo entry...

my life has come to a disappointment...
my whole life i've been saying sorry...
every year i work hard to get straght A's and to get an award at the end of the year...
i hav always done it...but my parents have never said "im proud of you"
my sister...i am one of those siblings who hate they're life because they're other sibling has ruined it...
i know my parents always feel pity for me...
i've always gotten presents for losing because they dont want me to cry...
my sister is better than me in every way
although she is younger she is still better
she's cuter
smarter
nicer
happier
more athletic
and those are jus some characteristics...
today at the mall...she was spotted by a talent scout...
she found my sister and wuz just amazed...
she offered my sister a job of being on commercials on tv like for McDonalds...
i've worked so hard just to hear my parents say "i'm proud of you" but they always say it to her...
she also took everything i'm good at and showed off being better
the only thing she hasnt stolen is music...
i'm learning to play the guitar because i love music and its become most of me...
but i'm afraid my sister might take it away...
i've always thought..."what if i were to disappear...would anyone care"
i dont know...the only people keeping me here on earth and giving me happiness are my friends...
they make me feel so special
they always make me have a smile
they care about me so much
and i care about them too...
many of my friends say i'm lucky that i hav so many things...they say that i'm spoiled
but i rather have parents that would understand me and try to be with me...
but for me its too late
im always alone now
i nver let anyone understand me
i feel like i'm going to be alone...
but my friends nvr let me feel like that
its summer
i'll be in 8th grade...
i'll hav to leave the people i care about the most in this whole world
i hav little hope and its because of my friends that help me keep hoping
i smile a lot but its always a lie
i'm always actually sad and disappointed about my self
someone told me that i shouldnt lie to myself and to show how i feel because true friends will always be there for you...to support you
i'm sure this person forgot telling me though...
but still i regret so many things
it feels as if part of my heart got ripped out...
i dont know y this is happening to me
i've nvr done anything rlly rlly bad...
y is this happening to me...
i try so hard but i could nvr succeed...