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Alice's evaluation
Virti: hello Alice.
Alice: hi congratulations on the baby.
Virti: what baby?
Alice: oh you don't know.
Virti: what baby?
Alice: you’ll see.
Virti: okay then.
Alice: alrighty then now you're going to ask me why my family calls me the twisted midget.
Virti: why do they call you that?
Alice: because I like annoying people with my second sight.
Virti: are you trying to make my job harder?
Alice: is it annoying you?
Virti: yes very much so.
Alice: then my work is done.
(Alice walked out gracefully as always)
Bella's evaluation
Virti: how are you Bella?
Bella: I’ve been better.
How's the baby.
Virti: what baby?
Bella: oh you still don't know Edward told me about it, sucks for you.
Virti: right okay, well how has Alice been with you?
(Bella's eye start twitching)
Virti: that bad huh, well think of it this way once you're married she'll shut up.
(Bella's eye starts twitching faster)
Virti: okay, how is your relationship with Jacob?
Bella: I only see him in these group things now, I miss him so much, but it's better this way.
Virti: right sure whatever, let’s talk about your inventive dreams.
Bella: oh my gosh they are only dreams my mind is very odd just deal with it.
Virti: okay okay fine.
Bella: If Alice thinks she’s singing love shack at my wedding she’s crazy, I just thought I’d say that.
Virti: Bella, do you want to have solo sessions once a week with me?
Bella: I'm going to leave now.
(Bella leaves and hits the door and falls down and gets back up)
Carlisle’s evaluation
Virti: Carlisle, how do you deal with those crazy substitute children of yours
the little one is the worst she’s psychotic psychic and the moody one who’s marrying the clumsy one
and the one who is always on permanent pms I can’t stand it and the big one oh my god how can he be that dumb he’s almost a hundred years old, how do you do it?
Carlisle: I spend most of my time in the hospital and hunt alone with my wife.
Edward’s evaluation
Virti: why are you so damn moody you have no reason to be acting like a pmsing little girl you’re not Rosalie.
Edward: it’s my thing I’m the brooder I’m depressed by my vampire life and how I have no soul, oh and how I have the most spectacular women on earth love me and I have to turn her into a soulless killer too.
Virti: oh get over it Bella loves you and chose you over the werewolf, and what’s with all the big words you’re like a freaking thesaurus it’s annoying.
(Edward walks out and breaks the door)
Emmett’s evaluation
Virti: why do you think you’re here Emmett?
Emmett: I don’t know.
Virti: you don’t know why you’re being evaluated?
Emmett: nope.
Virti: why do you think you’re being evaluated?
Emmett: I don’t know. Why are you being evaluated?
Virti: I’m not being evaluated you are.
Emmett: Why?
Virti: Why do you think?!
Emmett: what?
Virti: Ahhhhhhhh
(the Virti runs out the door screaming)
Esme’s evaluation
Virti: hello Esme
Esme: Hello
Virti: you know I think you’re the sanest one in your family, well besides Carlisle.
Esme: oh well my children are pretty colorful.
Virti: well that’s one thing, why do you treat these adults as your children when they aren’t
I think your need to be a mother is a little disturbing, you know there are some people who
think you may need help, you know substitute children is seen a lot in infertile dogs.
(Esme’s eyes bugged out of her head)
Esme: well I never, I am no infertile dog!
(Esme walked out and broke the door on her way out)
Virti: another door.
Jacob’s evaluation
Virti: why do you come to these groups? When you know they just hurt you.
Jacob: something to do I guess.
Virti: okay well, how is the pack?
Jacob: fine, I heard about the anger management thing it’s about time.
Virti: I agree.
Jacob: I’m kind of board this place isn’t that interesting without the bloodsuckers and Bella’s weirdo dreams.
(Jacob left)
Jasper’s evaluation
Virti: hello Jasper, how are you today?
Jasper: a little thirsty but it’s manageable, you don’t smell that good.
Virti: oh well good to know.
Jasper: do I really need to be here?
Virti: no you’re not that crazy, well except for the whole blood lust thing but whatever.
Jasper: okay bye then.
Rosalie’s evaluation
Virti: hello Rosalie.
Rosalie: hi
Virti: anything you would like to share?
Rosalie: only my whole life before I was turned.
Virti: I’ll make you an appointment on Tuesday.
 Virti · Sat May 24, 2008 @ 02:22am · 0 Comments |
