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Mood ~Sullen and at a point of simple oblivion~
Music ~Rolling Stones-Paint it Black (now my favorite song)~
The constant battle back and forth between desire and destruction has torn me in two. I no longer smile as I once did. Ignorant of all that is. Nor do I hate as I once did. A passionate burst of malignance towards every organism that happens to cross my path.
I have had points in my life where I go on a sadistic rampage to try to harm everything in every way I can. Not too long ago I did it our of sheer frustration to a friend of mine. No matter how much I apologize I will never feel right again. I deserve evey hurtful thing thrown at me...even if it is from someone I never met. Am I self-destructive? Am I just pitying myself? I would be the first to tell you how much of a b***h I am. If I can't say anything good about me then how can I expect anything good to be said about me from anyone else? When people do have something "good" to say about me I swear that they are lying or exadurating in my behalf. I don't want anyone to pity me! I don't want anyones "help" but even in that i revert to the sullen little girl I've become. One whos cynicism has made her loose faith entirely in the human heart and discard hope as a mere myth, a legend passed down through the ages as something to preoccupy(&sp?) the masses with. I'm not always like this...sometimes the sun shines through the dark storm clouds of my world and keep me warm. Once upon a time...and far, far away...I was happy once...and sane....
<center>I see the sleeping statues
Wallow in their graves
So far they have come to die
No more come the way they came
I left you standing there
So long ago
I
still
remember
I was caught between the horizon
And a thousand different paths
I thought I saw a shadow
Was
it
you?
My mind been split
Two sides cannot agree
The world has stopped
Its dizzy spin
The sun has caught its plight
Desire
to
move
on
Memories of dancing stars
A heaven to its haze
I screamed
And the shadowed world fell
The shattering brought no relief
In every mirror
They caught a glimpse
A pulling at my heart
Your
Smile
Lit
My
Face
I ran towards that place
To find that you had gone
Again I will travel into the dark
As your face haunts my dreams
And I watch the sun sink low
To face what I have wrought
Discarded time be not bought back
I
Call
Out
Then
Nothing
But recieve nothing but the wind
Was there ever a return?
A broken heart once mended
Never broke again
I damn myself
Eternal bliss of sleep
I was wrong
Was
I
ever
right
?
And even then I hear a laugh
As the sky rains down its mocking call
Can
you
ever
forgive
me
?</center>
 Paranine · Sat Oct 30, 2004 @ 05:40am · 3 Comments |
